H★

such a beautiful disaster

2008-03-12T00:29:00.002+08:00

regina neo, do you see this? [: promised i'd upload the necklace for the whole world to see ay. [: love you. & the necklace, & i wonder how much you exactly spent on it. D: gawh, i feel like a rojak once again. with everything within me mixed up & feeling weird. i've made the choice & i don't seem to be hating it. in fact, i've been so happy. then again, everything done is a risk taken. say if i lied today, i risked getting caught. if i stole, i risked getting in jail. if i betrayed, i risked losing trust. so i'm risking. haven't been talking to God and i'm guilty. phone's in the room and i've become so lazy to walk in to take it out. tried watching stewie, but it did no shit. ended up screaming at five minutes to midnight. okay, drummers are so hot. [: apparently my dental appointments are being dragged which means i'm getting my braces later than expected. not cool. so many things i want to say. yet, they all sound meaningless the moment it's on my lips. whatever that's happening. i'm here to face it.

V: if you think you have a face of miss world 2008, you're so wrong. how would you know your face looks nicer than your spammer if you've only seen his words? try flaming him back and humiliating the lack of your limited knowledge? you failed inferential questions, that's for sure. for all you know, your spammer has a better face than you. aww, don't get discouraged. you know yourself you have a face of a cow the minute you decided to put a picture of yourself in a pair of shades that covered 80% of your face. duh, you cow face.

it's not over tonight

2008-03-11T20:25:00.003+08:00

this laptop is fucking screwed. and i realised i've become more vulgar. fuck this shit la. nabey. i thought the connection would be so good la. what the hell. bloody piece of fuck. ok. i found this online. and i hope it'll calm me down. bloody connection of a motherfucker.

He had nails driven through His wrists for you, wore a crown of thorns for you, had spears penetrate His flesh for you, had skin torn from bone for you, and allowed His entire existance to be plagued with indescribable pain, on your behalf.

i don't know what else i can do

2008-03-10T23:28:00.054+08:00

please. this took me my life. damn it. BOBO. [: ice skating today.

J♥M

blogger is a mother fucking bitch. it took so much of my time. really reconsidering!

i need you boo

2008-03-09T20:05:00.005+08:00

omg, i'm so super pissed off. on the brighter note, i need to like write out my schedule

Monday - Day out with Jeremy
Tuesday - Day out with Hakim, Pok & Yantin
Wednesday - Ignatius's soccer thingy
Thursday - Free
Friday - Training & tuition
Saturday - Church
Sunday - Danceworks ( bringing regina. )

ok. that's my holiday. i'll be so sleep deprived!!!

BLOGGER CAN GO FUCK A WORM.

girl, you're my all

2008-03-08T00:35:00.003+08:00

i really hope this whole thing has come to an end. i guess i really cannot live without you girls. the reason for me to feel fortunate and blessed. that you're all as though angels God sent to bring me joy and guide to to a life journey. [: this is one reason for my fasting. unfortunately, i cannot beach tomorrow because i'm bleeding. D: ( i want a tan! ) ok, since we'd be meeting so early, i've decided to come home to bathe so i can meet ( name ) and go to church! [: yes! finally, church! & this tummy ache is driving me to the toilet. i don't want misunderstanding, but i'm no slut who stole ( name ). sorry you misunderstood & made rumors. still, i find no wrong in going out with him. [: okay, off to shit! [: omg, i feel very very bimbotic tonight. like heee heeee heee. oh my gawd! what's YOUR problem?! heeeee!

i'm not gonna write you a love song

2008-03-07T13:39:00.001+08:00

Jeremy's being a bitch for stating conditions to me D: ugh. still pissed that i broke fast. napped for 1 hour, going to vivo to meet that pratty reg soon. D: vivo. so far. tuition later, kill my balls.

can't you see what i see

2008-03-07T09:22:00.004+08:00

i broke fast. i'm feeling guilty. joy said it was okay because God sees it, but i've been trying so hard for the past 32 hours, why did i have to be so weak and then feel all faint and got sent home? i really wished i could turn back time and just went straight to class and die there than to let mrs wong force the truth out. i mean, there jeremy is, trying his best to not get tempted by food/ even drink and cigs. yet, i was the first one to break fast, fuck. see, i woke up after sleeping at 8 last night, i became very very weak. i couldnt hold my toothbrush properly yet, i had to go to school because mom didn't know i haven't eaten for 32 hours. then, good game, i couldn't life mt hands in school. D: & mrs wong suspected already. then when i couldn't take it any longer, she seek the truth & i told her. fuck, she gave me 4 biscuits. of course, i don't blame her. in fact, i thank her. without the biscuits. i guess i should be in a more serious state. but that meant - i broke fast. i broke a promise. i'm no longer strong. even if sorries were to fill this post up, there's a guilt inside me, that i know, will never be forgiven. so, i'm going to fast again. next week. meeting regina at vivo. wonder if i can. hmh, mtv's playing good music. jeremy, quick wake up, sleepyhead!
if you just realise.

i'll trust in you

2008-03-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

sports heats 2 was canceled due to the rain but it didn't stop us from sneaking back into the stadium after the teachers left. :D hardcore yeh. [: we ran in the rain and i'm wishing to get sick because i'm sick of receiving my results. what the bloody shit, all border liners. make me emo only. assholes. get sick.. get sick.. get sick.. ( continues chanting... ) : D omg, i want to get a tattoo. hahahaha, but i'd get killed or something if i get discovered. i know it's against religion, ugh, dilemma! and chih kai told me to get an inversed tattoo. okay, i think it sounds interesting! odelia promised ( i hope ) to bring me if i really want, yay! [: * flying hugs & kisses * feeling bimbotic now so please, pardon me. daddy's back from thailand! he bought so many stuff. omg, he's going to get me boxers. yay! :D hahahahahaha, missed him ay. hmh, i miss God. i want to feel Him again, even if i'm going to cry till my eye balls pop out, i don't care, i want God! i want church! & i miss maetan. D: stupid girl. havent seen my piercing! D: yeh, sad. after braces, i'm getting my tongue pierced. thing is, i don't want people to misunderstand that i'm an ah lian. i know i express the worst first impressions to parents, but whatever it is, please accept me for who i am. & if you think i'm changing too drastically, i'm speechless. braces, braces, quick be in my mouth! neh hahahaha. okay, my eye lids are like a zillion kg! D:

me: green tea kills sperms.
J: don't have to worry, i have a lot; a whole army to kill. unbeatable.
enlighten me, please!

i noticed your eyes

2008-03-05T00:38:00.002+08:00

fly away. i don't know how to make you stay because you don't belong to me, BOBO. it's a cute name i gave you because i just think it can be used for a multi- purpose cause. D: jeremy's not talking to me just because i don't wanna say who ( name ) is. D: D: and it's driving me insane! (@*#($E&#$*&^(@%& jeremy, TALK TO ME! D: i'm getting all emo-ish.

i blew it all away

2008-03-04T17:04:00.002+08:00

heh, this NCC uniform shitz over the volleyball jersey! today's damn cold & now as i sit alone at home, brrr, still cold. hm, i pretty much couldn't concentrate today in class because there are so many things going on at the moment and i have to set aside time to think! right now, i just think it's rather rude that you forgot my mom prepared breakfast or rather, a meal for you. but it's okay, i decided never to do it again. since some people simply don't appreciate it & make empty- promises when after lunch, i see the whole container still filled. whatever, really. to think mom still said: i hope you girls will go back together after this birthday. thanks so much for letting her down.
also, i've been thinking a lot of (name) & i don't know what's going on in my head! ]: help!

you make me wanna la-la

2008-03-03T22:23:00.005+08:00

Happy day today!
it's good to have you around, i have funny thoughts twirling my mind!

filled up with smoke

2008-03-02T19:46:00.004+08:00

here it is. it's sixty bucks, what an expensive stomach i have. :D apologies if i didn't tell some people dear to me, example, regina neo. :P cus i wanted you to see for youself! :D anyway, something's gone wrong with the new hotness and i know what's wrong. stubbornness. jealousy. unreasonable actions. i don't want people to know what's going on and what we're doing because i want to settle this among ourselves. but explain and define, what you mean by shouting at your good friend in public, rolling your eyes when she's trying so hard to communicate. of course, this is being bias. but i really don't understand you when you're all stubborn and think the whole world opposes you. sometimes, your thinkings are not always right. for the record, think, how much time can all of us fork out when some have to go home straight after school? why do you always think at a victim's perspective? behind every murder, there's a story.

better close your lips

2008-03-01T09:22:00.003+08:00

awake after fourteen hours of sleep. i've realised, how much 14 has been revolving around me ever since i turned 14. same as 13, i got into volleyball and chose 13. it all just happens like that, i guess. all right, i'm getting my navel piercing today. ( can't wait ) and hiro's coming to cell. :D yay! what else, having mood swings recently. i don't know why. and indecisive emotions. just feel like crumbling down and dying because i'm giving up on waiting. i'm sorry. i don't want to be further involved. i've been finding someone to turn to for this problem, only found one. [:
Hate is a passionate emotion, murder, the ultimate crime of passion.

she's killing me

2008-02-28T21:59:00.002+08:00

do you see what i see? oh yes, yamate. : D don't misunderstand, the pictures i took today is still not with me yet & i have to add ammar online to get them. baby isn't online, can't get it from her. ( frowns ) i'm finishing eclipse and i'm sad, how can bella fall for two guys at a time? she's so selfish! i would choose edward though. really, he would rather live in pain for centuries. my gosh, can edward be my boyfriend? i've realised, a lot of people are starting on twilight. HAHAHA, i still thought i was one of the latest discoverers. (laughs) hmh, went to ikea to play hide and seek and ammar turned horny after buying honey dew sago. LOL. he's so adorable, really. we're going to ikea/ giant/ courts to play hide and seek on saturday! [ CHEERS ]
(a): i'm drinking horny, so i' turning horny. watch out girls, i'm coming!
after an interval.
ammar starts smacking his dick and groans: ' c'mon! steam! steam! stream! '
HAHAHAHAHA. oh, that's it. navel piercing, 58$ at xcraft.

Happy birthday (2)

2008-02-26T18:51:00.002+08:00

when everything was all set and done, i can't believe you were the one, who build me up and tear me down, like an old abandon house. it's my birthday today, don't sing me a song because i don't deserve one. today turned out what i expected to be. phone confiscated; bad attitude; mood swings; false pretense and a mixture of everything at once leads to an emotion breakdown. of course, i didn't wish to express it out to teacher * because i think he/she/them/they don't deserve to see me in this state even if he/she/them/they was the cause. i would have had bought a tear drying machine if i could the minute you stepped into the class okay. don't get excited that you think you won this conflict and that i cried because i was beaten. hell no! never would i allow that to happen. i guess the way you threaten your pupils are way out of your profession and that you are not a good teacher. think back to last year; your quote to anonymous ' i don't have such a pupil, you are not my pupil anymore.' would you, in the perfect state of mind say such things in front of your authority? think again. quit asking me to reflect on how i behaved, instead. reflect on your words he/she/them/they. you ruined my mood for celebrations all right. take back 'it's your birthday today, i really didn't want to ruin your day. ' take that sentence back! what rights do you in the first place have when you want me to lengthen my skirt, read the journal, it says 4 fingers from the knee cap. in case you don't know, mine is only 2.5 fingers FROM the knee cap. fuck that. and don't come commanding me how i should behave around you. i may be your student. but you have bad students too right. don't issue me a threat as and when you like it. if you have no control of any rebels, shut up. yet again, i'd like to credit everyone who attempted to cheer me up. ammar, amzar, reyro, willy, ashiq, wei kang, luke, leon, yan hao, mario;)(root beer), amir, yanitng, zhiting, ayuni, jerlyn, sheri & my lovable bimbo, chuwen, gloria, rishon, yujing, and those whose names not mentioned, i'm sorry, i'm not in a state of mind to think now. still, thanks for the presents, helium balloons, cards, pictures, chocolates, & hugs and kisses. ♥ you guys wholeheartedly. & thanks really, for making my other half day a better and probably the most unforgettable one because the birthday girl cried so pathetically! ♥♥♥

whine your body up

2008-02-24T22:07:00.002+08:00

my birthday's coming. greaaat; ct's coming too. double happiness. yet no one knows why i'm 'over -reacting' & stuff. probably because you're not the one experiencing it and stuff and you don't understand how it feels when you look so forward to your birthday whereby you're supposed to be celebrating with your friends at a place & laughing your birthday away. also, you're looking so forward to the exams because it'll test your intelligence and whether you'd be confident you'll heed your goal. nevermind, i don't want to have presents anymore. tuesday is just a day everyone prays to get over and done with because they want to play. that's all. i'm all confused, how i wished you only set eyes on me.

the whole earth shakes

2008-02-24T00:46:00.004+08:00

church was good; that jeremy and i went 20 minutes late because
1; he took a cab but was still late and that i had to wait for him like an idiot.
2; he went to the water cooler to drink water.
yes, so we were late, thanks to JEREMY TEO. :D ( pushes blame away since he's been blaming me for not helping him every now and then. )
today's service dragged till 8+ but mae, me, ignatius, chih kai, jon, weiliang and jenny ( jeremy) came out at 645. had dinner at the emo corner and went to cell room. since mae brought her camera, we cam- whored. yet, the pictures are not with me since she's not home. :D HAHAHAHA, we took retarded pictures that made our day. had cell gathering at the grass patch and we played so many games. :D i love HaiSing Cell! :D :D ♥

[pictures for last night. ]

& today.

& a wrap that cranks me up.
God, I want to hear You like last week!

you have me suicidal

2008-02-23T11:15:00.003+08:00

L change the world. i recommend you people to go watch. :D it's very nice, almost wonderful, although i'm a LIGHT person, L's cute too. & he's very cool. mysteriously smartly cool. :D shan't really go into details so i won't spoil the fun. just wanted to say, since L and Light died, even if the sequel were to come out. reg thinks no one would watch. obviously, including she herself. D: hah, well, i guess it depends on each individual and their style of entertainment. ( laughs ) hmh, leon and ammar sent me to the station last night. and i managed, somehow to kill two hours of dear life. we walked from central to the station. HOW COOL. i realized, this bunch of people really can cheer me up. and i trust them with all my problems. :D love you! [: there is church later & luke is coming. HAHAHA. yay, i really pray i can feel His presence once again. Leon ' very shoick* ' (* smoothing, comfortable feeling) oh well, we'll see. :D and regina neo is ruining my plans because she has her own plans in the early afternoon and i'd have to leave with her. so i decided to meet huiying for lunch. :D nothing much else, oh gees, i'm so sorry i changed my plans yesterday. i guess it was all just meant to be. sorry.

[edit]
GIRLS, do this survey! :D BOYS, you gotta read it!

Do you prefer decent or wild guys?
both.

Are fat guys a total ewww?
not exactly, those who pick their noses, are though.

What was the biggest lie a guy eversaid to you?
i love you.

What was the sweetest thing a guy ever said to you?
hmh, nothing as sweet as what Edward would say to Bella.

Do you think guys is worth your tears?
It depends, really.

One word to describe guys?
Hardcore.

Do you like guys who smokes?
frankly, no. but i'd be all right if he's not my boy.

Do you prefer romantic or sweet guys?
they should be inter- dependent! :D

Do you prefer a popular dude or just an ordinary boy next door?
-sighs-

Do you keep the presents that your ex'sgave you?
yes.

What was the sweetest thing you ever did for a guy?
don't recall, and i don't know how sweet is sweet.

Have you ever sacrifice for a guy?
no!

Do you hate your ex boyfriend?
not at all.

What attracts you to a guy?
fashion sense, accent, character, personality, eyes ( omg, aussies ), hair and body language.

Which turns you on? Cute guys or hot guys?
both! :D :D

The most painful thing a guy ever did to you?
7 was the most painful boyfriend i've ever had. but it's all right.
[/edit]

[ i want a limegreen race car, if you may, please. ]

i fake a smile so he won't see

2008-02-21T21:22:00.003+08:00

I'm not prepared to love my enemies yet. But I honestly had the urge to ask Joanne if she was going to church on Saturday because I want to overcome this { adjective } yeh. Today's been draggy. Seems like Gng is on a hair- cut spree. Ok, he's so cool. Hahahahaha and I miraculously finished my ipw assignments. ( cheers ) Going out with Regina Neo(pets) tomorrow and I cannot wait! [: We're going to watch L change the world. Oh you earthling, be jealous I'm going out with a hottie. :D - snorts OUT loud - Okay; There's this dumb home economics test tomorrow and guess what. Aku studied siol! [: Hahahahaha, so proud of myself. Not being a douche here, I think. But, it's an accomplishment! The biology test today can suck shit but I trust Lord, although I realised my common mistake, think it's still passable. Now, I need to set aside time to cram my work. I have to ACE. Work hard! Work hard! & praise the Lord! I missed you today. Yet, some stuff flashed through my mind and once again, I'm confused. ♥

[edit]
When you catch a girl
glancing at you,
she wants you to look

When a
girl
says
she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you
are her future

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you
more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a
break-up
she wants you back, but shes
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever

Guy
Facts:When a guy calls you,
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine." after
a
few
minutes
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he wishes you would care about him
and
wonders if you do

When your laying your head on a
guy's
chest,
he has the world

When a guy calls/texts/comments you
everyday,
he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he
loves
you, he
means it

When a guy says he can't live
without
you,
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could
have
ever missed him or anything else

although i pretty much want you back. [/edit]

it's really good to hear your voice, saying my name, it sounds so sweet

2008-02-19T22:14:00.002+08:00

i'm getting really freaked out, i dreamt of you on saturday. and it's as though i'm still in that dream. whatever the contents, i constantly think i'm still dreaming because it's like something that'd never come true. sometimes, when i think, i shudder at the thought. but somehow, you have this attraction. unexplainable. yet, i don't know you. why do i get jealous of her when i know your heart belongs that, at least, try to find out. how do i know if i like you? i don't know you well to judge.

i have to have a motivation to study. i hope you know; how much it hurts to face you whenever you ignore my presence.
I'll wait till we were close enough to the ground and get a good grip on you, kick out the wall and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of accident and we'd stumble around like two luckiest survivors in history.

your beautiful soul

2008-02-18T20:06:00.002+08:00

oh hie, i'm mister mario-gay. i think i'm gay and my parents are begging me to have braces. i swear i'm so scared of the pain, they like drill holes in your teeth and destroy them, so horrible! * haiyoh! * i'm a very horny person, you know. i have porn in my phone. i even go on limewire, type 'porn' and tadang! my menu! [: oh, i'm gay too, because i act like one. and gay pornography rocks. les pornography turns me off completely, sigh. i'm such a jerk because i made Hazel Lee Pei Shi fall today and got herself injured. i swear i'd treat her like a princess for compensation! [:

oh yes, of course mario! [: you should! LOVE YOU! :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i want you close

2008-02-17T15:34:00.002+08:00

When she walks away from you
mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth
[ smile...then kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you
[ hug her tight ]

When she starts cursing at you
[ say i love you ]

When she's quiet
[ hold her hand and ask what's wrong ]

When she ignores you
[ act cute so she'll notice you ]

When she pulls away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ tell her you love her and she still
looks amazing ]

When you see her start crying
[hold her...ask her what's wrong]

When you see her walking
[ approach her..give a kiss on the
cheek. ]

When she's scared
[assure her you're not goin to leave
her ]

When she lays her head on your
shoulder
[ tilt your head too..and hold her
hand ]

When she steals your favorite hat
[ let her keep it]

When she teases you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is
okay ]

When she looks at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she says that she likes you
[ she really does more than you could
understand ]

When she grabs at your hands
[ Hold hers and play with her
fingers ]

When she bumps into you
[ bump into her back and make her
laugh ]

When she tells you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]

WHEN YOU BREAK HER HEART
[ THE PAIN NEVER REALLY GOES AWAY ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't
let go

- When she says she's ok dont believe
it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you:

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday
to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's
sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or
her favorite show even if you think its
stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

& that's what my boyfriend should do.

i offer my life to You

2008-02-16T23:20:00.002+08:00

i cried in church today. i felt God, i seriously did. i prayed for weeks for His presence and i felt it tonight. praise the lord! there was an unusual shock of heat that overpowered my body in the room and then i cried between renee and samantha. ]: we were worshiping as a cell and almost everyone were emotionally unstable. including me, cried the longest. D: whoever i hugged had stains of tears left on their shirts. i want to thank Joy, Vera, Crystalb. , Mae, Joelle, Ryan, Chih Kai, Jon C, Sydney, Renee, Clarissa, Samantha. they hugged me. :D thanks people. haising cell rocks! [: and we'll make HISTORY!:D joint forces!

demus and samuel came today and i concluded that samuel is retarded. he thinks that he has a holier bible because he's bible is the same as mine, just that it is maroon in colour. next, he took my bible and said 'two bibles, two chapters, i'm holy! hallelujah!' tell me, how weird.

The day of evil will come and we have to be ready for it. When we wrestle, we will win. Don't freeze, but move in God's calling. Step out when God calls. God binds himself to the living, He knows every one of us, inside- out. There is no need for pretense. Praise the Lord Jesus! [:

tried to take a picture of love

2008-02-15T22:25:00.003+08:00

i'm so tired i just want to lay in the arms of an angel and fall into the deepest sleep of my life. the truth is out and; i know i still like you a lot. i want to run away from reality. i don't know how to face all these alone, i really don't. i have to hurt people to get my stand right. and i have a confession to make to you. whether i have the courage or not, i'll know later. these things flash in my mind vividly and i cannot concentrate, cannot put my full attention in and it broods me. okay, i cannot calm down and think because that's not the system. i know my answer and i don't want to be so selfish, God, give me the courage manszxxzzxz. help!

flowers in my head

2008-02-14T20:56:00.002+08:00

happy valentine's day, everyone. i'm a liar; i don't know what's going on with my best friend and i; and i don't like the feeling. huiying had her phone confiscated, yantin called me, to speak to her, no problem with that, sure. telling her about her date and then hanging up. see, she didn't bother to tell me at all. does it hint that i'm not regarded so highly anymore? i was so eager to find out what happened. i don't know. why do i always run to yamate, because no one talks to me in class, you don't bother asking me anything, you just don't care. i bet you don't know i cried too. do you know how much i wanted to hug you that point of time? because only you would understand what's going on in my mind. yantin, i cannot lose you. but what's wrong with us? can't we talk and relate like how we used to? every time i try to talk to you, we always end up, almost quarreling. is that what you really want? tell me, who is your best friend now?

i waited in the canteen for more than three hours. nothing to be proud of because i was presented with HAZELNUT CHOCOLATES. only you know what this means. it's the loneliest valentine ever. i asked God to guide me, i couldn't see Him. nor could i hear Him. i cried because i was sad, i was like a lost kid, losing her way in a crowd and no one will life their hands to pull me up. no one knows the real reason for my tears although i promised i would never wanna cry anymore, no one except God. yet, He didn't answer. i didn't react early this time, joel. He really didn't help me.

yamate: thanks girls. the tissue paper you passed from the cubicle's opening, playing that emo song that made me cry, and calling me princess hazel when i doubt you even meant it. [: thanks babes. you know what i mean. no sweet talks in this post, not the right emotion. i'm a liar. but know that i'm sincere about this paragraph.

coco. i miss you.

you're my whole

2008-02-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

[: shucks to be you. i get to hang out with cool people. :D no, i shan't let you know them, because i don't want you to have the same things that i have, they're mine! why should i share? this is just a usual quote from a person so senseless and brainless and most disheartening- selfish. please, do take note that you're living in a world with millions and billions and trillions of people, with millions of babies born each day and people dying at the same time, the world population might be increasing, so you're not the only one living. so fuck you in the head; so what if a stranger comes up to you and asks where you got your accessory from? does that mean that he wants to get, exactly the same thing as you? oh man, you're one with too high esteem, what makes your pea brain think that he wants to copy you, you may never know, your fashion might be the extreme-no-way-to-exist-in-town style and he probably wants to mock at your stupidity and high self- esteem. don't look it in a way that he is in awe of you and wants to be you. don't be unique, there are exactly seven goddamn people in this world who looks exactly like you, may i remind you, exactly like you. fuck you in the face man. i don't want to mention names. and stop calling people animal names, your face resembles one the most.

happy things: came home early to prepare my valentines' gifts. :D oh yay, i decided to use the trick- or - treat style. :D i'm so special/ unique/ one of a kind. please do sense the sarcasm in me. thank you. so i think i've found sean's present and i'll get it tomorrow. :D by hook or by crook, he bloody has to accept it, even if i have to shove it up to his [ un-garmented ] pants/ shorts. :D valentine's day, almost everyone has got dated out. all except me. i'm sorry abel, i cannot accept you because i seriously regard you as my best guy friend since three years back. you left me restless after the dedication i heard. so moved by tears was i when it's the first time anyone did something so national- wide and yet, i cannot cherish. it's good to know that you're growing up and developing feelings is normal. ( i sound like an adult) but i'll still love you my friend. :D the way i always do.

her world has changed

2008-02-11T13:18:00.000+08:00

hello gecko. (: i know you're jealous, please be. :D hahahahaa, ok, that's so not mine. it's louis's. and it obviously is very disgusting because apparently, it just changed it's diet from meal worms to crickets. omg, so fugly-ly disgusting. anyway, happy chinese new year people and i skipped school today. :D cheers. didn't wanna go for pe, but i was feeling heavy anyways last night. it took me a hell time to convince mom that i'm ill and then she excused me from school. HAHAHAHAHA. came back from the doctor's and hell, i need my optician!!! (screams) know, i don't know what's haunting me these days, but all i can say is that it is freakingly scary, ever since that night at zhiting's, shuttle, my soul isn't here. i don't know if it is hallucinations or what, but i always, see shadows. and how tough is it for me to sleep. i swear i cannot be disturbed when i'm resting because it'll then take me years to fall back into lala land, horrible. i keep recapping on the scene the spirit hang over the guy's shoulder. and when i shut my eyes, the disturbing face of hers in the rear- view mirror and the ghastly face hanging on the ceiling. i know i shouldn't think so much into it. but i've heard many stories that a spirit wanting to be with a loved one, and is constantly carried on his back. creeps me. i don't know if posting this out will ease my mind, but i just want to be frank. so obviously, for the past three nights, my sleeps are like terrible, i wake up and bathe like straight away to calm my mind. i really want a stop to this. but how difficult is it? it doesn't help voicing myself out because i have to face this myself. i really have no energy to deal with everything. i'm numb for now. and i don't need console, nor love. because i'm positive, that is the one thing i'll never get, ever again.

more than you'll know

2008-02-09T11:49:00.001+08:00

happy chinese new year people. (: hahahahaha, hmh, these two days are [happy adjective]. :D so i'm so kind to even post today. omg, so honored right, right, right. :D i know, i've been eating so much, i might have to throw myself into the diet chamber again. D: no fun, i saw something i didn't want to see last night, so fuck that. seriously. reg was over last night and we suppered at dte. :D obviously we had fun, duh, when i'm around. ok, don't really know what to post. i'm being such a douche today.

my paper heart will bleed

2008-02-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

and i really hope you feel so too. sigh, it's stupid that i cry for some douche. yeh, so why am i feeling this way, i promise, that last night was the final, i've had enough of it, all right. why am i even shedding princess tears for you? jealous that you get people/ attention i never have, why should i. i've lost in the game, but i haven't lost my friends. and i'll stick to that moto. seriously, the tears poured out last night when i thought of you, that you actually bitched about me, lol, what do you want, come talk to me face to face and if you really are so desperate for it, i'll give it to you. anything, anyone but ignatius. all right. he doesn't belong to me (duh.) but so what. he may want you, he may need you and i cannot do nothing about it, all right? whatever your choice is, i'll really try to accept it and live with it if the answer is not what i have in mind. something i may never be prepared for, perhaps. i really don't know what's in stored for me and i really pray that i have the courage to face whatever that's in store for me, even facing you. never will i ever let your presence affect my mood to worship and be close to God. hard, yes, may i even face it alone, i'll deal with it. kenalians? the new hotness? vbers? 2e3-ers? how many more? i want to have strength to carry on and be happy and carefree. i can be strong, regina neo. (: i need you for that. :D i want to be happy. that's all i ever wish. honest.
lonely valentines'.
hazel, meet hazel :D
HAZEL AND AMZAR and HAZEL ( hamster ) AND AMZAR (hamster)
birthday gifts.
baby baby baby
:D:D:D:D SUP SUP.
yadeeeedah.
DARLING! :D
jolok? :D
yes, SUCKER. this is the nicest pic you ever took with me.
hi lovely. (:

" Your hold is permanent and unbreakable", he whispered. " Never doubt that. "

won't go home without you

2008-01-31T20:44:00.000+08:00

i know i'm not a good volleyball player. i know that, but that doesn't mean i'm insignificant, sigh. how can i let you know your words hurt me? i lost a number of balls today, i made a mistake for the first time, i know, and i'm sorry. so what if i sincerely apologised? it doesn't help. you have to know, you're changing. okay, don't get upset, but i think you're becoming like me, hot- headed. hmm, i want to change that in me, change with me. all right? i hope you know yourself better, that you're changing. face it now. (: you're changing, you stick to your opinions, not exactly open to others. okay? and i know i'm not good either, whatever it is, i cannot change the fact i'm only a reserve player, i could have made it into the mains if i didn't skip trainings so often and trained harder, be persistent and steadfast. i regret my actions and am living with the consequence. too late to even change anything, and i even cried due to anger. what can i do? whenever i think about the reason for the tears, i see those images of ball falling right in front of me on court and it just pumps more tears. not only, i couldn't block out your voice, screaming at the sec ones, i so longed for you to realise i'm alone and i need comfort. i guess you never really knew what happened. i know you made the effort to climb one flight of stairs to show your concern, by right, you would know i cried. here, i wanna tell you i didn't mean to give you a cold shoulder. and i'm scared. to get hurt, once again because i never once healed from it. why am i typing all these, i'll tell you, it's how i really feel. this is my blog, my online journal, my rant, don't try stopping me. and i don't mind people flaming me, only proves that i gained attention. hahahaha, whatever. back to the point. i wished you were here for me. like now. sigh.

he's the reason

2008-01-29T19:39:00.000+08:00

yeh. :D hahahahaha. i got that out from sean last night. :D thanks bro. :D hahaha, haising catholic got into east zones' top 4:D we rock balls so much yeh! :D yes, we won again and we managed to get into the semi. :D fun chain of events that happened earlier, firstly, we all decided to get out of class at 1145 but demus smartly told mr quek and then it was changed to 1215, so yah, got out at 1215 and then half of us were caught by mr quek and were detained in class. it's okay, the others went to the back of the hall, in the midst of changing, mr quek appeared and we all dashed out, in my haste, i left my bag and everything else on stage, hahahahaha, went back to take when the coast was clear and i saw something hilarious, a pair of shoes, obviously a guy's because we were outnumbered. HAHAHAHAHAHHAA. then we played hide and seek and mr quek gave us 2 pc days in anger. still, we didn't go back, me, ayuni, darren and vincent sneaked to the girl's toilet because it was much safer. LOL. blah blah and i have to say something, boxers cannot be worn with FBT. D: went on court and although the boys lost, they got into the semi too cus they won the other matches. :D heheheheeeee. hai sing c' division rocks our toe socks! :D

seasons change

2008-01-28T20:16:00.000+08:00

i'm gonna just briefly post, don't mind the rush cus i'm so eager to continue my new moon, the sequel of the hot twilight series. be grateful i'm even blogging yeah. :D went shopping with reg babe yesterday and we busted like a hundred bucks in less than 1.5 hours. it's how crazy how two of us can merge together and spend so much in such a little time. :D new year clothes, :D coool and crazy, i got myself a formal top. ( like finally and it's god damn red! ), a tube ( i liked it so much. :D), two waist belts that reg took one, BOXERS. omg i so super like the boxers, you probably can just buy me those cute, vintage-like, red, stripy girl boxers for my birthday, in like less than one month. :D why not? :D hahahahahahahaha and we spent the other half day in mac donalds before rushing all the way back to pasir ris for a jog. :D heh, dumb jog since you stop even few traffic lights because you're jogging from one town to another. LOL. i'm off my diet, but consistently feel so bloody fat. like now. i wonder why. today's match with dunman high. zhiting said they were good because her friend plays. but we won. :D hmh, don't get offended, please. i merely wanna state that today's match was a victory because, we enjoyed the game like what our coach always say. enjoy the game, and we did. [: i'm so happy, and i feel so blessed that coach put me down today. i don't expect myself playing tomorrow because i don't know what is going on in his little mind. (: we did something today, we prayed in front of the mother mary statue. :D what ignatius told me, haising's tradition. (: i led the prayer. HALLELUJAH. [: i love God so much! the boys won too and i'm super grateful that they kept rooting for us. (: GO MARIO! :D hahahahahaha, and i pray that sidi will get better. (: i love God! :D i'm off to read my book now. :D byebyebyebyebyebye. new moon is my baby! :D

with you

2008-01-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

26 January 2008. it's been one month. one grueling month, of crying, heart breaks, distractions, conflicts and soul searching. i have to admit, i cannot forget you. i don't know how long this period of close friendship will last, if she were to ever talks to you again. i don't know. i have to say, i fret that day, but sooner or later, it'd bound to happen. i have to be prepared. heart breaks, this is the worst of the kind. it's when my heart cries for you, knowing that by hook or by crook, i'd never have you. it has been such a memorable past with you, meeting up with each other almost everyday, rushing dinner in china just because i could use the computer to have a chat with you, dinner dates almost every night, smiling at each other during trainings, waiting for each other during trainings, late movies and etc. even going to each other's house when our brothers are at home! so many, i don't intend to forget them, at all, i tell you. dwell on the past? i don't know about that too. i may. i may not. it's tough deciding, really. it's either i go and never turn back or i stay put and grip onto my false hopes. i admire daniel. how he survived eight months of torture. i want to be like him, which will mean that i cannot move on. D: i don't know. i need answers, God, will you answer me? church today. normal. i liked cell, a lot. :D hmh, bought jurizal's present. super gay. :D I LIKE. :D:D:D:D:D:D
check out my hair! :D oh, we went to T3 today and me and amzar left first, we took the bullet lift, if i'm not wrong. we went one level up, three levels down and two levels up again;. :D LOL LOL LOL! hahahahahahhahahahahahaha. and the skytrain. LOL.
ayuni: OMG! WE'RE GOING UP! !!!!!!
yanting: OMG. I DON'T DARE TO GO DOWN!
ayuni: TURNING! TURNING! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
zhiting: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ( notices that no one is around her anymore)
KUKU!

REAL 10 mins, amzar!
GREEEEEEN.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D VIBRANT!
groupie!
hazel rocks.
the lift.
don't get angry, PLEASE!
yanting too short.
RENEE AH. :D
look at the positions my shades are put. :D PERFECT!

that's when i love you

2008-01-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

went to kallang today to help out with the east zone's admin for netball. just realised, how time flies and all my teammates have their different positions. literally the whole team was in the same area. though they're all playing various games, we were so near each other. all except jinghan. everyone's changing so fast. nicole is taller than me now. and slimmer than me. okay, she always was slimmer than me. LOL. but still, it's so hard to believe that she is now taller than me. so i've decided. to stop dieting. yes, hahahahahaha. i'm so proud of myself for convincing myself that i should stop, but control what i'm consuming. yay, but i'm like big. and fat. but whatever. i'd eat lunch and breakfast. (: YAY. and work out. most importantly. :D yes, i will have to work out. yes, i am going to be healthy. (: i'm telling you, i'm not a toy. so don't push me around. i know you've got things i long to have, i know you lead a more fortunate life, but i want to tell you something, i have my friends and cousin. they're the gifts God sent to me from heaven to make me happy, they have the ability to make me sad too, yes, i am in a bottomless pit, crawling my way up to the top of the world, i know my friends cannot do it with me, they can only do by me, they support me in every way, i'm sure. i'm not perfect, this i assure you, my friends, they do tell me my bad points, sometimes in a very harsh manner but sometimes, they meant no harm. of course, with such a big clique of girls, there's bound to be conflicts and disagreements. but there's one point we must not miss out, exactly how much did we individually contribute to the friendship? trying hard to sew back a rocky friendship, giving harsh yet direct advice to a particular friend or apologising to one when a mistake occurs. don't neglect this, please because they hold great values, a chance to have second thoughts about the next action and a step closer to loving each other. my cousin. we grew up together, though we weren't exactly close during childhood, but now, we're more than sisters, more than best friends, and more than soul mates. we're like the same person in two different bodies. we love each other, more than i love myself ( for me ) and i don't blame her if i get reprimanded at home. i confine her with all my problems, neglecting the fact she might have hers too. yet, she's so willing to be here for me. even staying over when i was on the verge of a breakdown. my cousin. (: i love you. really. :D i'm grateful you're always here for me and i want to be there for you too. (: i miss you! D: cny come quick. back to topic. i don't deny i have no feelings for you. and i won't use love. i trust Father, because He was the one who brought you into my life, the One who decided on my fate and designed my life for me. so this crucial period, is a test. to see how independent i can be and He'll give me tasks to complete. it's true, that any parent wouldn't bear to see their child suffer. having been crying my eyes out the past period, how much did i exactly break His heart? He might have reached out to me as my friends, who hugged me. i know, He hugged me. i feel loved. although i know i can no longer give you the love i used to, i want to say, i will stop loving you. friends might fit just back. but give me time to accept that i already lost you and that you will never love me back anymore. i'm serious. i need time on that. and that i'd be neutral to any, any intimate movement you might perform. to prove my endurance, even if i thirst for it. you no longer love me. you love her. too big of a word to use. you have a liking, major liking for her. to find someone you love, is like finding a pin in a haystack. it may take you a century. whatever the case, i want to give you my blessings. don't give me mine just yet because i'm only beginning to leave our sad ending. at the beginning, taking baby steps. don't be here for me anymore. or i'll never get out of this shit.

in a quiet pasture

2008-01-22T19:00:00.000+08:00

LOL woman. HAHAHAHAHAHHA. this is such a funny picture when i was running around the room in my panty and bra and taking pictures when i was urine-ing. LOL. (: i love you woman! :D so so. i'm waiting for the results for your auditions okay! :D see, i so kind, remember you got audition. :D omg, smart. :D didn't go for training today because my injuries overtook my physical endurance and i needed to come home to rest. suddenly today, i had the urge to come home and read the bible, to be with God. so i did. i came home. but sadly, i have yet to touch my bible. LOL. came home to do my work and i'm such a bimbo. because i have a physics test in the second period tomorrow and i left the most important notes, IN SCHOOL. along with my english idioms worksheet which i have to come online to find meanings. -_______-||| bimbo, really. my hips hurt pretty bad and i have to limp when i walk. D: darn. i did something super silly when i was doing math. i boiled an egg, wrapped it up with a handkerchief and then started massaging my right cheek that bruised. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. chih kai and huiying told me to do so. :D LOL. i haven't been thinking too much recently, just that i saw him today in the canteen but didn't exchange words. it's like i die to see you. yet, i dread for you to see me. and i think i'm so fat, i should really stop eating meals. D: good report, i didn't cry last night at all. and teo honghwee, i'll really come to you if i need you all right. don't ever ever run away or i'll whack you. :D i'm so glad you changed so much since the first time i knew you. :D HAHAHAHAHAHA. and don't change back! (: i'll heed your advice, and be happier and cry to people. :D HAHAHAHAHA. logging off soon because my back still aches from yesterday's training. D: yes, i need daddy's massage. :D yay, daddy and daughter time. i missed you less today.

i'm evil, right, thinking i had a chance to....

nothing compares

2008-01-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

zhiting, i salute you. :D hahaha, kidding. hey girl, don't take it to heart, i totally do not blame you for the fall all right. (: i just repeated the incident a lot of times so people will know what happened. :D blame yanting ah! make us laugh. LOLOLOL. but please, do not, ever ever lie on the road to laugh. trips people off. SERIOUSLY. oh, my wirst's wound is an open wound, and it has dirt in it, i can't seem to take it off because i think it's under the skin pigment. thanks so much to the spiking of balls. like i've said, falls, makes one weaker than he already is. exactly how low am i feeling now. how long can my happiness last? not long. as long as i come home, that's it. i'm someone i myself don't recongise anymore. simple reasons. my home is too empty. it's too hollow. like my emotions. and they clique too well, it makes one cry a silent cry. a hollow miserable cry. only himself can hear it because no one else can. because at home, i have no one. the cuts on my arm are just like the scars in my heart. what's with the binding of hearts? my spirits were lifted to the maximum climax and then torn down to a bottomless pit. whereby no one is there. because it's only for failures. for sad people. for hazel. for a stupid girl who cannot concentrate in class and think too much. making herself miserable and making her friends and cousin worry for her. consoling her and letting her know they're always here for me. but you see, this road, have to be walked by me and i alone. my friends can only encourage me. yet, i need someone who'll take my hand and walk with me in the night when it falls dark. brings me back to the SL camp when i got akif as a partner. how hard did i exactly grab his arm when i heard stupid stuffs and when my contacts was dry and i thought i saw things. i really need someone. friends. i know they're here. be it laughing at me when i fell so hard, be it seeing my disfigured face that made them laugh. be it seeing me in pain that made them laugh or be it my laughter that made them laugh. all this, i know, they're still my friends because they don't push jokes too far. they take initiatives to message me to show concern. my wound is dirty and watery. like my eyes. whenever i read the messages and chatlogs. i cannot bear to put you down. don't be too happy because i would be more sad.

these mean nothing okay zhiting. (:
this is super random :D
reason why i cannot realllllllly bend.
delicious.
disfigured.
replies to tags:
regina: i don't want to woman. but it comes to me just like this. i don't know. kpo. omg. seeing her irks me. :D

sheri: thanks darl. i know you care. (: i'll be okay.

yantin: hey baby. (: thanks so much. but i hurt myself already. D: so pain.

ayuni: i know woman. and i really appreciate your words okay. i know i will never get him back. i don't want to anyway. it'll cause him so much misery to have to be forced to like someone he doesn't really have feelings for like how this relationship started off. it's like i'm with him to make him forget joanne. it's impossible you know. i only made him realise he liked her more than me ( having a status as a gf ) and he decided to go for her. leaving me stranded in a jungle. and i don't know how to get out. do you understand this situation? it's not only lost or loneliness, more of defeat and failure. i love you still woman. (: yamate.

[edit]
boredom:

Would you kiss the last person you kissed, again?
- Maybe.

Have you ever love someone so much that it hurts?
- Yes.

Have you ever made your bf cry?
- Believe so.

Do you still talk to your ex(s)?
- Yes, to Joel, last night.

Do you think you're a good gf?
- No.

Like anyone right now?
- Yes.

How do you feel right now?
- Defeated and helpless, in pain and lonely.

What would you wanna say to the person on your mind?
- Why?

What is your current ringtone?
- Majesty

What is your current wallpaper?
- My green extension picture.

Who was the last person you spoke to on your phone?
- No one.

Who do you call the most?
- Used to be Ignatius.

Last person that texted you?
- Leon ( laughing at me for the fall )

Do you have nicknames?
- Yes. Tons.

Do you wear toe socks?
- Yes; cool kay.

What annoys you most in a person?
- That one lor.

Who was the last person who hugged you?
- Exactly who?

Name the funniest person on earth you know.
- Duan Chang Ren. : D : D

Do you walk with your eyes closed or opened?
- ..... Brainless

How are you?
- Horrible.

Is there a quote you live by?
- Yes, I'm fat.

You live in?
- A small condo.

When you're bored you..
- think too much and start crying.

Right now, you wish you were..
- rich, shopping in England, Australlia or British maybe, with my life- long partner, maybe regina, maybe the girls. LOLOLOL.

Do you have any secrets you wouldnt let out?
- Tons.

What would you be willing to give up for true love?
- My sanitary pad.

Finish the sentences..
I wish..
-To hug somebody I love now.

I want..
-To.. be happy.

I want you to know..
-that i am fat and i'm ugly. :D

My life is..
-screwed since the 26th.

[/edit] - 2139h

samantha! (: I'm YOUR BABY AH! FEEED ME! ( jaw hurts and it feels dislocated due to the impact of my fat body)

thought you should know

2008-01-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

hello strand of green hair. (:
heyps readers, i'm here for another post. let's update, i've been having severe lack of sleep and i cry to sleep every night. yes, i know i'm so cool. went to church yesterday but not cell because i went over to accompany regina. (: long long no see. i miss you ah. so i met her in bugis and all the shops were closed. so cool. went home and slept on her new sofa while she watched tv. all i remembered was giving her one word answers when she shot me with so many questions. LOL. got up and started crying in bed but reg was bathing. i read huiying's long message and i cried. i read that message and i cried. i told regina what was on my heart eventually and she cheered me up by showing me yalun (: HAHAHA. sucker. so anyway. fahrenheit's new album isn't in my collection just yet. i'll get them anyway. :D went out with mom and dad and we got a new lcd. (: 40 inches. omg, cool. asked dad to get a stereo set so the effect would be nicer and he said sure. :P went along to get nice vintage bedsheets (i'm in love with vintage ) and candles to emo at night (: yessssss. i love the candles the most. had a tiff with mom because she didn't allow me to go for the malay conversational course in school. rushed dad to get me the ipod :D and suggested to move house. but he said no. and i kept arguing because my room is small and i want a bigger room to hide more secrets :D HAHAHA. sean scared me today, HAHAHAHAHA. basket. came home, on-ed the computer and cried like siao. was talking to renee and she kept making me cry more with her words. stupid woman. and we're in the same boat! you understand how i feel. and how much it sucks. and i love you woman. (: smile! and baby. thank you so much. ben and jerry's ay. (: my treat. because i love you. :D zhiting, you dumbdumb. you really didn't cheer me up lah. and with all the no offence, i got offended anyway. see you tomorrow. LOL. confront: pursue a matter, fyi.

i don't understand how fast you moved on. i don't believe in playboy attitudes. you never once convinced me you were a player, just that you fell in love too easily. you can even have a girlfriend whom you didn't really have feelings for. now you ditched me and fell in love, again. but i'm a different case i tell you. i don't like being pushed, being used. i'm not angry with you. i just don't want to talk to you. anyway you already have a best friend (you have a lot of them.) you have a lover( they come finding you.) you have 'charm'( whatever.) and a lot more. you lack misery. i wonder why. maybe because i absorbed all of them when i hugged you. so i'm living in misery now. no one will ever replace God. not even love, fat hope man. i just wonder how you can do things and completely neglect me. i guess it's because i'm not someone you care for anymore. so you don't bother pretty much. and maybe when you find out i cry for you every night, you're happy. because at least you know there's someone in your connection that has feelings for you, whose feelings for you have not faded. and you're happy. because you feel loved. maybe that's how you feel. and you have zhiting as a back up. i asked her for your point of view. here's what she said.
well, then ask yourself why do you have the rights to be the boss of him, and you do know that his a playboy and theres no way someone can control him.
firstly, i'm not bossing you by ignoring you. i don't want to talk to you because it's like stabbing my heart when i hear your voice. how much did i want to pick up that call of yours just now to hear your voice. how much, you don't know. but i didn't want to. because i know when i hear you, i'll cry. because it's like adding salt to a deep wound. a wound that most probably won't heal anymore. for what you did. i don't agree that you're a playboy. don't worry. and i know no one expect her can control you. that's all.
uncanny
resemblance
LURBS.
hello mae. :D where's you face? :|

HIS heart hurts even more than yours.
which father would want to see their child have a broken heart and be crying their eyes out?
God really cares for you.
it's just that sometimes, you really have to be patient.
if everything were to come as quick as a snap of your fingers,
can you imagine what the world will become?
it's totally alright to cry your hearts out to God.
you'll even feel better after that.
but always know that GOD LOVES YOU.
don't lose heart!
talk to me God. i want to see you.

standing on the rooftop

2008-01-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

seven hours to training. i just can't stop thinking of how much i've done for you. inappreciativeness, but whatever. i'm turning emo, slash of wrists? suicidal notes? or would you prefer high dosage of sleeping pills? (: your pick.

sugar, we're going down swinging

2008-01-18T22:32:00.000+08:00

an ultimate heart breaking discovery. so here's my comments, haven't been posting much so this is just a long update, i think. (: apologies to those i haven't linked and blahblah. will be done after this post. i cannot deny the fact i still miss you like a lot. but whatever. you shouldn't know anyway. why? simple. because, i don't mean anything to you. (: get it? ah yes. so why did i even bother to keep your smses since the day i came back from china, why did i save your name under such special characters, why did i show you my weakness, why did you hold my hand and make me feel special, why have i not let you go, why am i still liking you, why am i still living in the past, why am i deceiving myself that i long lost you to someone ages ago, why do i still even think you like me. more questions, less answers. whatever the case, i'm here to say, i will make an attempt to fight this alone. no one will help me because no one knows exactly what i'm going through. ' just forget about him, you have your friends, they make the world for you. be humble, hazel.' simple catch phrase? yes, of course i know that, but how can i achieve it? it's bloody difficult when i don't want to hate anyone. what's the point anyway. we'll see who makes the first move in that then. however much i don't want to lose you, i already have. i can never make you cry anymore. i can never make you happy anymore. i can never be your rape victim anymore. and i may never receive any message from you. why bother telling you i miss you when i know i won't get the same reply. school's draining so much of my spirit. i need God, i really need Him. i only allow myself to cry to Him and no other. i need to cry. but no shoulder's ever gonna be here, anymore. seriously. no one knows. how much exactly. i fell for you. to make things sound more serious, you probably just played with my feelings. makes me feel like a cheapskate. makes me wonder why and makes me think. what only comes about is why i like you so much and lose you so fast. i know i miss you and i know i like you. but don't be so ego, i won't express it. i promise. i don't want to hurt myself anymore. i miss so many people. especially ang senkiat. (: and james. (: and matthias. and so many many people. hehahahaahhahahaa. so i've been messaging them because it's only their replies that'd bring a grin to my face. at least a moment for me to forget my burden i have of you. mae, i miss you. (: i hope you still care. (: i don't want to be an anti- social. i want someone who'll call me 'silly' and 'dumb dumb (:' at least i feel you care. (: thank you guys. recently, i've been hesitating, whether or not i should stop dieting. so i eat quite a lot that day, but no. since i'm still so fat, i won't stop. reminds me, you always tell me i'm not fat and ask why i'm not eating, before smacking my big fat thighs and grinning like some old pervert. haha. im-ing with yan tin and i really want to just pour my emotions out. regina neo, where are you? i wanna hug you, suddenly. i miss you. god damn it. grow up quick. i want my black and silver room! (: with my terriers, and huskies. okay. i'm crying now. i'm dropping into a bottomless pit with no extra arms to reach out for me.

i don't ever wanna be like you

2008-01-13T20:04:00.000+08:00

combined service was really boring today. initially, i met up with ignatius and went together. a surprise he could wake up so early. :D LOLOLOOOL. then i bought chocolates, ah yes, i know i shouldn't consume them because they're so high in blah blah blah blah. so what? i like ley ley ley. HAH. then we reached late and not only that, the sun wasn't really helpful. we were sweating, okay, at least i was. the fact that we were late meant that the reserved seats were already taken up, so we had to sit at the top. -______-||| and mae did a splendid job by coming forty0 five minutes before the service ended. we didn't go for cell lunch with the others cause mae didn't wanna go so far and come back to pasir ris. so we went to BK instead and bryan's gang came too. but left before us. LOL. i super love leon's contacts cus it somewhat fit his face, i wonder why. mae came over and played with kiko. expected, so many un- glamed pictures captured. HAHAHAHHA. sent her to her aunt's place with an umbrella and thus the picture : D came home and went for haircut. LOL, this time, it's not very very obvious because i just trimmed, since i cut it just three weeks ago. mom didn't allow me to colour my hair. D: D: but i'll get to do it during the holidays! :D wheeeeeeee. i saw green and i think it's so cool. but i'll be so alienic. LOL. mom's pretty against the idea i buy coloured contacts, *pulls face* so anyway. we saw this super nice sports car on the way. ZOMG. but i prefer a lambourgini. :D
thinking, and thinking, and i reckoned. SHOW IT. what does this words define? to me, it makes me realise that i've been keeping to myself a lot and i don't express my feelings and emotions. reason: i don't want people to worry about me or get troubled over me because i don't want to be a cause of any bad emotion. because i think they have their own troubles to worry about and i know i have mine too. so normally, i keep to myself. that i know. but sometimes, i just have to let them out because it's too heavy for me to carry. it's like a snail with it's shell behind it. it's too heavy for me to carry and i have no spare energy. i guess 2007 really drained me out. a lot, the breakups. and heartbreaks. and the unnecessary sheds of tears. and thus i have no energy to carry all these stupid emotions and unnecessary attention. i'll stop here. but please know, i care.

i love the length baby! : D
this askhuibnlkshdjguebf funny shit!
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY.

with the big fake smiles

2008-01-12T22:07:00.000+08:00

saturday, no service because of the combined service riverlife's having tomorrow. a whole lot of people are not going, so i'm still in hesitation. have been thinking through the whole day, feeling sick. my menses really got the best of me, weakening me with the thoughts. the thoughts you have no interest me me no more, the thought of my friendship and the thought of a year without you lastly, the streaming year to determine whether my drum courses will be paid or not. yes, it's so important. music, my only getaway i say. it numbs me with it's lyrics and wakes me up from my dream. what exactly numbs me is the silence-ness of my phone. so horribly silent the whole day, only one phone call from zhiting and her messages. that's all. really. i'm not expecting too much, am i? only a way to show concern. a message, at least. it could make me smile at myself like an idoit. at least you cared. i hope. i'm not pushing my luck whatsoever. i want to know how you feel, at least. i don't take initiative, you know that. i broke my principles and took initiative to show concern. but the results were heartbreaking. i don't want to hurt myself any further, so i'm stopping. it's up to you, really, to bring me along or just leave me here to bleed. till next.
xoxo.

i think i already know.

2008-01-10T21:27:00.000+08:00

empty. i don't know what you guys heard, which part of the story it is. but here's mine. all right. and it's up to you whether you want to trust my words, or take my shit. simple as that.
i know i've been mass using vulgarities for the past weeks since school. luke made this deal to fine me if i said a word, even chee. it's charged as of fifty cents. so anyway, i don't know how, zhiting was involved too. but whatever. i controlled my words, but luke tried all means to make me say them out. like whacking me or something. so i was charged with two dollars in just half the day. all during the orientation. then i slowly thought it was rubbish, paying so much at my freedom of speech. so i stopped. and then yesterday, when wan and friends wanted to pick a fight with willy/ willie, i was super pissed off. because they have no bloody respects for their seniors and it was just uncivilised. i admit, spouting vulgarities are uncivilised too, but it was nothing compared to picking up a fight in school, with like two persons pulling you away from each other as though you're of such high ranks! i'm also aware i've been telling people i need the toilets, panty jams and everything. but hey, think about it. what's wrong saying all these? you classify them as attention seeking? if it is, i want to state, it isn't. because, i was telling people how i was feeling at that point of the day. you see. i want to urine. ' oh! okok. later then go, i want to urine too! i need the toilet! ' you get responses when you suggest something. but whatever lah huh, since you're so SUPER GOOD at debating, you want to stand firm, go ahead lah. you're not as open minded as i am. gives you fucking no rights to bloody stop me. ok. get that point stuck in your head. back to the fight. all i screamed was ' want to fuck, don't fuck in school can.' i know they heard me, because they stared at me. i know, it's a fucking bad habit. you cannot accept such a vulgar friend, then just tell me, in the god damn face. i'll leave, because i'm too vulgar to be your friend. and don't go like ' i don't want to talk to hazel. ' okay, then, if you think i shouldn't curse so much, i know. i don't need reminders. for all you know, i cursed less than 10 times today. one time in nigel's house. of which i apologised. because i was in the wrong. and i wasn't cursing you, was i? why should i apologise? i'm hard headed. that's hazel. if it took you one year to know what kind of person i am, you're too slow. but i want to say this, through some relations, you got so far. but don't take advantage. because you'll fall real hard. and no one will help you. i swear. i go to church. i love people. if bitching about people makes you so unhappy you wanna ignore me. i have no idea how to react to that. i always thought my best friend understood me. i was wrong. i over looked. and i'm insensitive. fuck man.

pride.

2008-01-10T19:03:00.000+08:00

i have my fucking pride. i don't care if this whole shit is gonna be vulgar. whatever lah huh. i'm a control freak, i'm so fucking attention seeking, IN PUBLIC. i'm so everything negative lah huh. i cannot change what you feel about me. and i won't change. i won't. best friends stick to you, no matter how hard times are. if you cannot afford to have these types of friends, then forget it. forget about all the third january love shit okay. forget about going out as one clique, going to hongkong in sec four and everything we planned. and find friends whom you think are not, ahlians, not attention seeking, not control freaks, and those who are open to suggestions, not self- centered and doesn't scream at you if you oppose her, just because she is big. yah, go ahead. you already said in your blog what. what can i say. it seems like ending this friendship is like changing out of your exercise suit, then let it be. i'm hazel. i decide how i want myself to be. i may be changing. i don't fucking care. since losing a 'good friend' seems nothing to you. i'll go ahead with the procedure. i won't fight back. because i don't want to beg for a friendship. i won't apologise, because i'm not in the wrong. i won't talk to you because i find no meaning in it. i don't want to confide in you because a best friend would never leave the other. i don't think i'm wrong or changing, therefore, i stick to my grounds.

till the end

2008-01-10T19:00:00.001+08:00

i'm a control freak. i'm an ah lian. i'm not your best friend anymore.

Happy birthday

2008-01-07T06:03:00.000+08:00

we'll be as happy as this, i promise (; happy birthday baby! : D it's 6am now and i'm typing this. LOL. well, see, i couldn't sleep, so i got my ass up at 5am. LOL and apparently, kiko gave up on begging for breakfast and went back to her bed. -_______-|| stupid dog. anyway, hey baby, you're fourteen already! and i really hope, pray and everything, you'd like your Emilio Valentino cardigan. :D because well, it's nice. :D and it's use-able. :D hah, okay, whatelse, ah yes, this week, time to catch up on work. D: because of the orientation, i really missed out a lot, and i have a lot of catching up to do, tuition resumes this friday, D: after training. rawwwr, not the training/ tuition part, but they fall on the same day! D: oh, and i think my boobs are shrinking. D: booooooo. i must consume papayas. HEH. had a mild asthma attack last night while jogging and only managed to jog 1.6km. damn lah. D: school's starting soon, more or less ready to fight the books :D happy birthday bryan chan! :D HOT HOT HOT:D heh! :D

longing

2008-01-06T00:31:00.001+08:00

back from a long long yet fun jog, (: because i ate um, siewmai, and fries and then angkukueh today D: so unhealthy. church wasn't as good today, i have no idea why, i was very very emotional and stuff, i wanted to be touched so bad, but He didn't. or i didn't feel. told myself, time and time again to cheer up, because i'm in the house of God, i must be HAPPY, i must be CHEERFUL, deep inside my heart, and not on the surface, itself. i tried, but no, failed. felt horrible and fat, maybe that was why. went to BK and had takeaways. (: vernette came along today and hopefully, next week as well! omg, i just realised, i had bubble tea too, no wonder. damn it. anyway, we went back to church to eat and met iggy. cell and then i walked the girls to the third bridge, the three of us gathered at the valleytea shop and said prayers because all of us were down, except for vernette, pretty high much. i've decided, to either get a smiley / septum / tongue and drop the idea of cheek. because that can wait till i go to university. (: and kenji's really supportive. although he doesn't want to get it, he sees no wrong why i shouldn't get it, since i'm interested in piercings. (: tattoos too, but i really like these you see, i'm not ah lian. i don't fall with bad company. but i really like piercings and tattoos, so what if they'd sag when i grow old? i just want to enjoy my youth twice as how much the other youths are enjoying! [: yes, i hope i'd get more support. (: heee. will bring up the matter soon to daddy and mommy and hope, pray they'd allow me, (: HAHAHAHA. or maybe just do it before telling them (: so anyway, i reckon i have no figure and i'd look so ugly in a bikini. so when can i tan? when i get my abs and my figure. (: HEE! which might take so long. OKOK. new hotness: i'm wishing for the volleyball top from NUM and pria ( size 38) from you girls! it may be expensive, but try sharing or something! (: heee! please! okok, i know i'm such a bitch asking presents from you girls, butttttt, D: pretty please? and i'd get my pair of RED havianas after chinese new year with mae, (: from ziyang (: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. yay! :D:D:D
campfire's burning down!
weikang' fuck you lah! spoil the peaker!'
bryan ' i can do it! ay ay, accompany me go find mr cohen after i get this done!'
weikang' fuck you lah. you'd never get it done!'
bryan' find mr cohen with me ley!'
ROFLOLOLOLOOOOOOOL.
be happy, hazel.

i feel like a hero

2008-01-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

why do i have to be so bloody fat? why can other girls fit so nicely into skinnies and look so good, some who wear spaghetti straps and look so hot, some who wear bikini and look so nice ( with a little navel piercing ) and why i cannot be born in a life like that. this sucks. orientation for sec ones today, great, fabulous and although i have three guys in mind to whack up, i still enjoyed myself very much. (: we had to do cheers and it's the first time we really organised events like this, so it had been a great experience, no joke! campfire and performance and games were bombastic! ((((: but i couldn't put down the thought of ignatius. at all. cca scouting, volleyball, we talked. and i heard that whisper, so clearly. and from then, the words just spin around my head, i jumble them up, but they get back together and form back that simple sentence. it can be so simple, but through the words, it speaks of your heart. how true, i don't know, but i'm still going to say this, i trust you. the talk in the canteen. everything. literally everything. whatever you did to hurt me, whatever direct things you actually say and do, i don't mind because i can return back the same sentence to you, you can jumble them up, but they'll form back exactly the same old simple sentence. i don't flirt. i'm close to males, i've said it time and time again. and the sec ones, the pretty girls, i cannot be compared to them, because i'm fat and unattractive, i cannot stop you even if you like *, i don't/ won't object, because i know, i trust, you're following your heart okay? not because i don't care. i have no stand, no rights to.

i'm listening but there's no sound

2008-01-01T18:37:00.001+08:00

returned from jogging with kiko, pretty much misbehaving, and it was drizzling. LOL. i thought of many things, too much and i got struck with a splitting head. pretty much trying to operate sitemeter. and i'll need time for that. (: got a message that lifted my emotions and i thank the person. (: at least, there was an effort in trying to fight my severe PMS last night, and wanting to spend the night together. (: all these, just an effort to make me happy. tomorrow's coming and i'll be sec 2. can't wait. for the sec ones, i really hope they don't piss me off and make me wanna kill them. (: a pity mae can't come over. but nvm, HAISING CELL! :D hahahahaha. renee, samantha, jason, jon ciow, joy, vera, weiyang! and lots more. (: they'd know what's going on with me in school and probably make me smile in church! much loves! :D seriously, i don't believe in bidding a farewell to 2007 and all those rubbish. because, though i lost some precious possessions, i gained much more. and although i gained much, sometimes, greediness takes over me and i ask myself, ' why can't i have it all? ' why can't i have ignatius? why can't i be in the main team? why can't i get the top 80 in level? why can't i be slim? so many other questions, spinning through my head. but no one will ever have the answers i post. i asked God, but no replies. joel told me once, God answers all prayers. just that, i made my choice a little too early. i have got to agree on that. and man, there's so many thing else i wanna say, but in such short period, nothing comes straight out. yes, i miss you. yes, i lost you. and i gained nothing else except loneliness and emptiness. nevertheless, i'm still going to live in memories. (: don't bother picking me up, i can do it myself. (: haven't really talked to regina and i miss her. but it seems like she's been doing fine without me. we actually agreed on going out to get our school stuff but she went off with her best friend and sang with michelle. she didn't tell me anything about it. and i had to find out myself. maybe it's the same as me not telling her about the break up. i wonder how everyone thinks of me now. had two boyfriends within five months. do they look at me and say ' hey! that's the whore! changes boyfriend like she changes her sanitary pads on heavy flows! ' or do they say ' i pity that girl, torn her heart twice in half a year. ' or some just remain speechless. do i really care how others judge me? truth to be told, yes. i don't know what others feel about this topic. but personal opinion. i really do mind. especially from someone i really care. regina. two years of closeness. i really hope it doesn't end.

bleeding love

2008-01-01T15:27:00.000+08:00

yesterday, was the worst new years' day, ever. i wasn't allowed to step out of the house, pissed as i was, i turned in, with the radio on. they were playing the top 100 hits. and all i remembered was waking up briefly when i heard 'bouncy bouncy smack smack...' LOL LOL. so, i woke up at 1130pm, feeling suck-ier than ever, i tuned in to channel 5. rawwr, seeing everyone enjoying themselves. i feel so lonely. recollection of the past month and i started emo-ing, once again. jasper couldn't cheer me up because i didn't come online. :D hah, so ye, replied a couple of messages and all i blame was my harshness, i almost rant at sean. D: of course, i apologized to him and everything's back on track (: but to whoever i was treating coldly to, i sincerely apologise. juzhong and whoever and whoever. D: i feel very guilty. anyways, happy new year everyone. and i hope you readers had a blast of your time yesterday. (: i so contented i got the dress. (: now: be thin. :D hahahahahah. so impossible. LOL.
ammar: hello?
h: hello!
ammar: happy new year!
h: happy new year!
ammar: ok. byebye.
h: hahahaha. byebye!

if i could then i would

2007-12-31T18:07:00.001+08:00

current mood: moody, let me change it, extremely moody. well, i don't exactly blame anyone except for my dad, because he bloody told me he couldn't go to marina with me. grreat and he expects me to find a companion in like an hour and a half? pretty cool much. everyone's busy, busy, busy. no, why would i blame them? anyway, i went to marina alone, though ignatius, i supposed, took the next train after mine since he was rushing out from his house when i was in the townpark. i brought my storybook along and i managed to cover two chapters. (: reached marina and got the dress. (: the grey one, walked around the shopping centre, saw melissa and went back to pasir ris. remember, i'm doing all this, alone. came back to pasir ris, all moody, bought mango milkshake, in hope it'd cheer me up slightly. but nuuuuu~ it pissed me off more, when i was crossing the road, sucking my pearls. the green man was on, an obvious signal for pedestrians, ( me, and other people, along the road side, waiting, obviously) to cross. which also means, for the oncoming cars to stop and wait for us to cross. but that god damn bald guy has no sense of knowledge! he honked at me! whilst i was corssing! can't be bloody wait?! i wouldn't have been so pissed if he was a pedestrian! and not a driver! god damn you! how dare you honk at me when the green man is still flashing! so what if you're fucking rushing?! it's the damn green man that comes on every few minutes, god damn you!
nigel's party was a blast. i had to peck him for a dare. ignatius wasn't happy. LOL.

in other words

2007-12-30T15:29:00.000+08:00

flickr is good. (: it has all the images that matches my mood. so much better than photobucket. but i'll stick to it still. (: wokay, hazel cannot multi task, will edit this soon. (: IM-ing with erica bitch. :D

heavily broken

2007-12-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

church today, fun, because vernette came along, sec one junior. HEH. wore the skinnies i wore yesterday and waited for samantha cus i couldn't meet mae. (: hahahahahah, we talked about a lot of things and i realised how sociable sam is. (: bought drinks so i'd have change for the donations later on and we went to church. arrived a little early, so everyone was outside, so i decided to accompany mae and vernette outside with jason. (: we went in a little too late, because we had to take the centre column's back seats and couldn't join our cell group. worship today was awesome cus pastor joyce asked us to literally jump on our seats to sing with both hands raised up, hahahahahhaha, my hands had much better perseverance level than jason's. :P oh, and i somehow got scratched. i think i did it to myself because i was praying, with my hands clenched as one, toward my forehead. pictures of it below LOL. then we subway-ed and vernette, made a huge mess. www.vernette-mickeydoodlehead.blogspot.com :D:D oh, and ignore my un-glamed picture there. :D so so, we went to do some art, and obviously, with two great artists. (: it turned out fab :D oh, saw erica at church. KOO. :D [backtrack to the day i went out with the n1s.] my wall of buddies. :D:D:D each one selling at $4.95, someone, please? (: and the picture of the doggy we thought was abandoned. stupid fugly local-look-alike Caucasian! bloody fag!
buddies yo! :D
omg. cute right!
mine's so much cuter. ( she's limping from yesterday's sudden mass workout. )
mae mae mae mae.
:D PAINTOS! :D
before.
after. :D
seeeeee, the scratch.
LOL. hello, i'm happy pottress!
h: HELLO! IM HARRY POTTRESS!
jeremy: i don't know you!
imy.

teenages

2007-12-29T02:38:00.000+08:00

it's not complete, because i don't want you to get the complete picture. because i miss you greatly. yes, i do. even so, you feel guilty and everything, i'd rather take those from you. because i don't want you to suffer and please, take care of your wrist. if not how to play volleyball? how to be sub- set? see, you have to think of consequences. seriously, when you told me you cried upon the decision, i was super touched, i thought you didn't fucking care about me anymore. that the feelings/ love/ whatever you call has already all receded, but no. you told me you cried. that was enough to destroy all the naive thoughts. but whatever your choice is, it is now all up to you ig. because i had to let you go, i had no power in holding you back, no rights to. because you set yourself free. i don't want to big goodbye, yet i can't hold a candle to her. i know you don't want to feel like a bastard, as so you're doing so. ignatius, please be proud that i was once your girlfriend. and i want to let you know that, nothing about you changed in my life.

everynight i pray, that soon your face will fade away

2007-12-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

hiak (: didn't really sleep yah, woke up to meet huiying for a jog with kiko. (: ahahahhahaha, my baby. (; okay so kiko, she was so god damn obedient! AW! and then i ran and ran and ran while huiying skated, :D with kiko running beside us. okay,the skin of her paw tore, i think due to the roughness of the roads, my heart hurts ley. D: but she's in no pain, so no worries! came home and bathed her, best, it took me only fifteen minutes to dry her, instead of the usual thirty, because of the nice short hair :D then hui ying left for guides, just when i was about to enter dreamland, after a hot bath, baby came -__________-||| i needed sleep so badly, i turned into a bad host, i allowed her my computer and then went to sleep for one hour. (: and unwillingly, i was dragged out of bed by miss tay, and then changed, looking like a damn ah lian, and went to bugis. in search of my DRESS! :D nyhahahhaha, popped by this particular shop, tried on a red piece, (: i thought i looked so fat in it. and yantin said it looked nice. ._______. but i preferred her piece better, so we might go back there and get it, after daddy pays me (: then we ate a lot today, raaaaawr and i still think i look fat, HOW. D: D: we tried on a couple more pieces and i set my eyes on the grey one, a pity, there was only a last piece left, of which yantin let me. it's reserved, i'm popping by on monday to get it. (: yay! :D and i really wanna thank baby for letting me have that dress even though i know she liked it very much too. (: ILY! [: [: THANKS FOR TODAY, YOUR SWEEET FATTENING COOKIES, YOUR EGO PICTURES THAT YOU SET AS MY WALLPAPER, and. YOUR CRAZY WAY OF DRAGGING ME OUT OF BED. THANKS BABY! :D
yes, fat and candid.
kiko :D
KIKO! :D:D:D:D
the red top ( my eyebags)
while finding her shoe...
i spotted a mirror and took pictures! :D
the red top.
HAHAHAHAHHAA.
the white one. :D which is nicer???
oh oh. FAAAT!
she walked away. D:
mirrrrrrrror!
GREY PIECE:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
I'm COMING TO GET YOU!
byebye

no happy ending

2007-12-27T21:43:00.000+08:00

opened up my chatlogs under ignatius's email. i'm still reading at the place joanne first came into the problem. wow! dear,u are amazing.i want to wipe away all ur tears,i wan to make u smile. i guess it will never ever happen again. because you left my world. because you didn't want to be selfish. you could have two- timed me, but you didn't. does that mean you respected me? or you just solely wanted to belong to someone? a lot of things actually reminds me of you. so i have to be strong. i feel so horrible, i'm like so fat. is that why you left me? i know you still like her, but i kept quiet. although i always say you're mine, i don't know if you really are, you sounded touched when you found out she still liked you, you looked hurt when she said she hurt you, and the phone calls, even you know if it was going to be her anot. and when i confessed my feelings for joel faded, i knew you wouldn't say the same, but i shut up. only when you told me she said she wanted you so badly, had i realised.. she means a lot to you too. because i know she is one girl whom you liked so much and was worth waiting. you waited for her. and you confessed you still liked her. okay, i'm just very jealous i cannot hold a candle to her. you still left me in the end. what could i do? i don't know. i'm totally clueless. i need God. i need church. i need to pray. i need to worship. i need to feel God. i'm fucking emo now. talked to daniel, about a lot of stuff, yes, i talked to the hottest guy in school. i still hope we can still be friends. (: if you really liked me more, you would have got your thoughts sorted out, it's not about who you missed more during the holiday my dear. it isn't like that, all right. you follow your heart. and not whether you don't want to be selfish or not. anyway, my watch (: haha. sorry i can't let you have it.
7, 11, 17, 20, 25 reminds me of you.
channel 8 reminds me of you.
gay porn reminds me of you.
green skinnies reminds me of you.
soccer reminds me of you.
manu reminds me of you.
christiano ronaldo reminds me of you.
renee, samantha and mae reminds me of you.
HSC cell reminds me of you.
riverlife reminds me of you.
sentosa reminds me of you.
eating reminds me of you.
the jersey reminds me of you.
brazilliano pria reminds me of you.
haivianas reminds me of you.
the music in my phone reminds me of you.
uncle don and family reminds me of you.
the void deck's tables reminds me of you.
fishmeat noodles reminds me of you.
spade reminds me of you.
vivo city reminds me of you.
plaza singapura reminds me of you.
the golden compass reminds me of you.
bonding games reminds me of you.
'zao geng' reminds me of you.
100 plus reminds me of you.
girls wanting numbers reminds me of you.
paul frank reminds me of you.
taxis reminds me of you.
monkeys reminds me of you.
ice cream reminds me of you.
pictures of you reminds me of you.
joanne reminds me of you.
nyaa reminds me of you.
rape reminds me of you.
oily man reminds me of you.
'never bathe' reminds me of you.
fifa street reminds me of you.
burger king reminds me of you.
popcorn reminds me of you.
kiko reminds me of you.
white reminds me of you.
esplanade reminds me of you.
cardigens reminds me of you.
GTA reminds me of you.
'happy ending' reminds me of you.
'hero heroine' reminds me of you.
my hot pink bra reminds me of you.
food reminds me of you.
falling sick reminds me of you.
haversacks reminds me of you.
soccer boots reminds me of you.
my phone reminds me of you.
my china trip reminds me of you.
enchanted reminds me of you.
ratatouille reminds me of you.
mtv reminds me of you.
channel 27 reminds me of you.
my high cuts reminds me of you.
shades reminds me of you.
literally... everything reminds me of you, now.

He will make a way for me

2007-12-27T17:42:00.000+08:00

i spent the whole night thinking. talking for advice and everything. i wanna move on. i wanna do whatever i didn't do. woke up a few moments ago and saw kiko. [: the white furry ball i brought home on my birthday in year 2006. i looked at her, walking toward me on all fours. climbing onto my legs and resting her head in between my arms. i was sitting cross- legged. this little creature. how much exactly have i neglected her? it's unexplainable. guilt engulfed me, and i wondered, why the heck am i hogging onto the computer, mobile phone and tv when i could have made use of the time to play with her, bring her for walks and even bathe her and stuff. so i've decided, to take very good care of kiko because i haven't done so. and yes, i don't hate joanne, and i reckon ' i nvr choose any' will not last. like what you say ' i will take care of you, promise' i will never live to that promise anymore. and thinking for the longest in my life, i will carry on. i might get into another relationship when i grow maturer. (: and when i'm really ready. weiyang said ' do you know what crushes is. ' i replied a 'yes' and he said 'there you have it.' so all this while, i was living in a lie. i had a crush on you, what love is? i don't know. and he told me it's unexplainable. hmh, i didn't cry, glad to say. but i was very upset. no one really actually cheer me up last night, probably because i was too deep into thoughts. i thought of Joel. and no, i don't regret leaving him because he left me memorable memories. and even with you. i had such wonderful memories. going to each other's house. hahahahha, raping each other. (: all so fun. but it's all in the past. all the past. and i'll lead on, happily. i'd try. and volleyball. new coach, new chances. hazel can do it. because i'll be strong (: i've got friends, girlfriends, guyfriends, and cousins. (: they'll make me happy. (: goodbye.

keep my strong

2007-12-27T00:15:00.001+08:00

let's recount what exactly happened today. i went ice skating, and i got ditched. bad news and good news. good news: i made friends with the 2n1 people (0'7) and i bloody got ditched, however much i still like him. (: okay, i am not okay now. of course not. D: kallang ice world has bad/ horrible/ terrible/ lousy management service. advice: do not, try out the ice skating rink there. anywayzxzxz, people who went: hazel, ayuni, zhiting, yanting, ashiq, ammar, afiq, jj, darren(?), zicong, and another guy plus amzar. :D okay, pauses ( i'm turning fat, omg, how how how? maybe i don't have to feel fat. because i already am. ) oh shit. ok. so we went to kallang, the guys obviously have no experience in crossing roads because amzar almost got knocked down by an on coming taxi, so the pro (points at self) crossed for them to see. :D took bus 11 and waited for jurizal (jj) at the bus stop. played games :D hahahah. and laughed. and had fun, most importantly, getting over the fact i somewhat knew what the answer was going to be because i didn't receive that message last night, till this morning. woke up, in zhiting's bed, disappointed. and upset. and yes, i stayed over. hahahahha. (i feel so fat, my tummy's like a water bed. D: i need to stick a charm on my forehead, to stop eating, please! ) okay, i skipped breakfast and dinner and went skating for three hours. HAHAHA. so yah. we skated, ashiq was my skating partner! we played choo choo train, ( FUN FUN FUN! ) and then catching, on ice :D and amzar, he bloody fell so many times. HAHAHAH. he injured himself at the end. omg. it's so funny when your friends fall, the partner tries all means to pull them up, and you jump on them ( being the tagger ) and shout 'tag' :D HAHAHAHAHA. they resort to crawling and skiing. HAHAHA. okay, then we all had to hold our partner's hands. :D when we played. super cool. but i ended up holding everyone's hand, cus i wanted to be dragged. i tell you, ashiq is so professional at it, it's as though he is running on ice. :D yes ah. and yeh, zicong got cut, zhiting had a new blister and ammar is hot. :D (: hahahahhaa. hmh, ammar is cute. (: VERY. hahahahahha, and we took pictures. ammar has poor photography skills; pictures explains all. :D yanting was practically screaming her way throughout everything, and poor ammar, fell so many times. ouch. mass impact manxzxzxz. and we had to much fun, catching, taking pictures and making that little blue bastard fall. :D thanks amzar. (: okay, what else, oh oh, i was just wearing shirt, shorts and leggings. cus it wasn't cold one bit. went to tampines, and then on the way back, i got ditched. only to find out that ammar was ditched too. although i don't know if i have the rights to use 'ditched' on him (: but ye. singlios! :D cool! hahahahha, sent songs and pictures and they scared us with ghost encounters, i got so freaked out, i screamed when two cyclists came charging at us at high speed, in the dark, i couldn't see. no blame! we had to walked past the canoe. back to pasir ris, ( from tampines mall where the snakebite guy came out from ) and ammar held my hands as we walked. cus i was afraid i'd slip off. (: ah yes, it freaked me out a little cus he kept shining at the top. D: D: D: when everything was pitch dark. came home, got scolded by mom cus i've been out for almost everyday since two weeks ago. when i came back from china. and i even sneaked out. omg. bonus! LOL. jasper was cheering me up ( failed dude) & i want to be sick. :D serious!
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
Crazy.
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
You siao arh.
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
I want tummy aches and to fall sick.
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
NUTCASE.
ღHazel .[ blogging ] says:
:D YEEEEES!
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
HI EVERYONE, THIS IS HAZEL.
ღHazel .[ blogging ] says:
YES.
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
CRAZY NUT.
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
WHY ARH.
ღHazel .[ blogging ] says:
I WANT TO FALL SICK!
Jasper/ Shout Your glory. says:
._>
- LOL LOL LOL! -
pictures :D

groupie! (:
BURGER BURGER!..............
MILKSHAKE AH!
skating partners :D
hazel looks so screwed and fat.
i look fat.
i look fat and ugly.

ashiq helped block fatty people. (person)

bad photography skills!

this looks so perfect when i'm inside! :D
YES AH BABY!

i sprinkle ice at you!
HAHAHAHHAHA.
hazel is coming!

LAUGHS. GIGGLES. SNORT.
*lifts one leg* and falls, ayuni *WAVES FRANTICALLY!

[: we're cool!

(: HOT.
told you he falls. :D
Zzzz.
INCOMPLETE!
COMPLETE! :D :D :D
:D
okokokok. HAHAHAH. laugh at me! :D

cookie monsterrrrrrrrr :D
they finally got what i meant. -________-||| fyi, i'm outside the rink.

zhiting! YOU UNDERSTOOD! :D

last christmas, i gave you my heart

2007-12-25T19:24:00.000+08:00

BLOOGER IS SO SCREWED THEY CUT OFF MY INTERNET CONNECTION. thanks blogger, for the christmas present! RAAAWR. so the pictures cannot be posted up thanks to blogger. the pictures from last night's christmas event and countdown. (: hahahahha. keep you in suspense ay. don't hold your hopes too high :D hahahaha, hmh, it's way past time the message you promised is supposed to come in, so i shan't hope too much now. i somehow know what your answer is already, ignatius. so yeah. and if it really is what i think. then go for it. however much i dislike it. ye. hmh, christmas mood! should be happy! sooo sooo. i shall blog about last night. so, we reached orchard at early 11pm. so we walked from somerset to orchard, in the midst, of course, protecting our bodies from the mass foam fight they were playing along the roads and street. but we got targeted, in the end. okok, credits to me, cus i was screaming ' MERRRRRRRRY CHRRRRRRISTMAAAAASY! ' ahahahaha, my fault. (: but yanhao is so tall, he blocked me from foam :D so at the end of the day, he was the one carrying the most amounts of foam while i'm a runner- up! (: nehahahaha, so anyway, the push back to the station was crazy, after the countdown, a repetition of fahrenheit's autograph session. this time worst. because this indian raced guy, was behind me, he pushed leon, who was holding firmly to my shoulders, and i could feel his dick at my bottoms. yes, the feeling sucked so bad, but i had no choice, i got myself into that shit, because i didn't heed sean's advice to stay clear of town. and iggy wasn't there. (laughs, iggy) i couldnt whack his balls off, because my hands had no space to move, plus, they were firmly stuck on zhiting's shoulder. can you imagine how cramped we were? everyone's like pushing you from both directions, you can literally be lifted from the ground and be moved at the same time, without falling. kinda a big deal ay? and my fear struck me, straight away. even before everyone started filling that space in the middle of the street. the sight of the many amount of people i see shocked me so badly, i think i became pale. and was gasping for air. literally. ask anyone there. i had witness. and leon was so worried. i could see. plus zhiting of course. throughout the whole night. leon and yanhao were very very concerned on how i was feeling. so when yanhao got punched by this fucking gangster, i felt so guilty. he got pushed by a stranger and accidentally hit that guy's girl. he didn't want anyone to be near his girl, so the punched his way through. lucky girlfriend. but seriously. no one bloody offended him. so why resort to violence and punch people. please, for the protection of your girlf, i suggest you let her cover up herself more, put a little less make up and not be seen revealing bits of her flesh for YOUR bloody pleasure. thanks, ah beng. yanhao got punched, but we safely got to the side. and watched people being pushed and everything. found leon and we walked the opposite direction to where we came from (: trained home. and i noticed this guy, super hot, a long body (leon's statement) with snakebite. OMG OMG. (: HOT. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D ahahahaha. i smiled at him!!! :D and he smiled back! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. so funny. and hmh. that's all, he left at tampines's station! :D with leon. ok, good night. (: i'd be waiting. till tmrw morning. finally remember that guy's name ( thanks zhiting ) it's YIDE. (: he's a funny guy! we smashed foam at each other! and i pushed him to a foam party :D he got foamed. (: oh yay, he made this super funny statement when we were being pushed.
adapted from leon ' being short is not a good thing, leon' and an auntie beside them laughed. (ALL IN THE MIDST OF BEING SQUISHED.) LOL.
i want to pierce FAKE dimples. (: anyone?

make it okay

2007-12-24T16:58:00.000+08:00

blogger is screwed! rawr, only mansged to upload the videos. fucking hilarous. okok. i'm going for countdown with leon and gang (: yay yay! yanting help me buy bible and and, i'm going to prepare for sara's church even now! :D

when do you think, they'll finally see?

2007-12-24T00:55:00.001+08:00

oh no, i think i'm fatter. HOW HOW HOW. okay, i'll be on a strict diet. :D ah yes, really strict one, as a matter of fact, starting from tomorrow (: i promise. :D so anyway, hmh, i woke up like at 130pm today, because mom was like a trumpet the whole time, called zhiting and had to rush her over, apologies! then i ate breakfast and parents fetched me to the hairdresser. i thought i should get bangs, but she said i won't look nice, so she just cut the side short. like my previous hairdo. :P just that it's much shorter. hmh, and she layered my back. (: pheewheeet. i like this time round's a lot. :D as you can see from the pictures. (: we bused back to pasir ris to meet dan ping (: and then got the groceries. (: so yea. hmh, zhiting met dan ping (: ahahahha. and i aimed for all the budgeted products (: [blows whistle] and then we shuttle bused to elias green, put the stuffs down and went to collect the other half, the ones we ordered in from BBQ WHOLESALE website. :P the total was of $116.88 and nicole's dad paid for us first, of course, we managed to pay him back, of course! and then the bbq. (: OMG. fun fun fun! i missed all the six fourians so badly. and i feel so guilty when the twins had to rush home, like drenched, from head to toe because we placed the canvas wrongly, and then they even piggy backed each other to help us tie! and then they left, not being able to enjoy the meal. and cooked food. (nicole has bad cookery skills cus she cooks half raw chicken wings) and then they left, hmh, jeremy was just being gay the whole time. (: he slipped twice; hahahahha. clumsy giant. :P dan ping was soaked. abel was hotly dressed for the event! he wore SKINNYS! hahahaha. jon too. LOL. :O and then nicole looked hot in her NUM netball top. of which i should be getting VOLLEYBALL, from some people. :P and. uh. ye. agnes and dawn. pretty fun people to be with. although i really miss HIRONOBUWEEYUXIN. and pansap and gang, we had a lot of fun. jaime! (: hahaha. i'm fat! :P and please help me with the photoshop thingy! ASAP! andd. uh. we had so much fun, trying our best to fling the big puddle of water out, abel climbing up to help us, getting soaked, and junwei, running away home after eating and not paying. that fuckeroos. anyway. (: HAZEL LEE IS A GOOD FIRESTARTER! even if it was my first time today, doing it. :D hahahahahhahaa. i started three fires! :D and it got extinguished because the rainwater puddle was too heavy and it fell down. D: but i managed to light them all up again! (: jon came super late, so i smashed his face with margarine. :P and i think his raymond friend is hot. too bad his only twelve. :D spongebob guy. HAHAHHA. and that david person, so BHB. thinks that someone from us like him. OMG. joke sia! super fun, when we played some mind games. and at the end of everything, ended the day with MASS WATER FIGHT. of which abel; he threw ice down my back, burst water balloons under my shirt, wet my shorts and pantys, bra and top and then we walked home from elias green. a fun walk. because i managed to catch up a lot with them. anyway, i feel fat. and i'm depressed. the mention of * totally ruined my mood for blogging. i miss you ignatius. and i have a bad feeling about the answer. anyway, come back quick. i've got a lot of things to say. i'm faaaaaaaaat.
she's SKINNY!
SKINNIERRRRR!
FUCK LAH. hazel lee is fat.
okay, she's laughing because. (tilt head to view picture below)
my face was this :D
best friends. :D
abel's SUPER SKINNY TOO!
amsyar, he SMILED! :D
see, my bra is wet, that's why my top is wet.
jonathan, FUCKING skinny YET macho shit. :D

nicole: i'll turn horny with jeremy.
ROFLOLOLOLOLOOOOOL!

you'll find the way

2007-12-23T02:30:00.000+08:00

ignatius tham. i cannot stand you ah. you actually abandoned me in Singapore! & i know you'll return with an answer. i may say i'm prepared, but i don't know if i'm really am, all right? [: so i'll still feel bimbotic. i really miss you, totally understand how you felt when i was in China, i wonder how you survived. ah well, you had * to accompany. LOL. good for you, i have no one else. haircut tomorrow. (: yeew! hahahaha. all's well, Sean pangseh-ed me for maple. and i'm doing my math homework, suddenly felt like blogging because Louis tuned to Mtv and the music video playing is 'when i'm gone - simple plan'. my thoughts focused on you now, boyfriend. for the record, Louis betrayed me last night and i had a trifle with both my parents, but because dad found out i hadn't eaten dinner, he went all-so-soft and cooked. (: (laughs) just that mommo, ah well, i know she cares, but i'm a teenage rebel. D: i don't know why i act so stupidly at times, and i can understand that the scoldings and unreasonable statements all go well with the care they often possess for me. but still, at some point of time, i won't think at their angle of matters. D: sorry mom. D: i must be such a letdown huh? back to ignatius. (: you neh neh poo. leave me here. and i apologise for not answering your call in the morning. i really fell asleep. you didn't attempt to make a second ring. oh well, it's my fault still. i miss you dearie. i don't know why this happened and everything. i risked at the beginning. i don't wanna be proved wrong. i hope i won't. (: bet you're enjoying your time with shawny renjie now. :P okay, that person promised me something. and i bloody hope he marks his words! :D hahaha. hmh. a lot of things i do still remind me of you. even megalife. (: and everyone in Haising cell. (: i don't care ah. i love MEGALIFE! (: i love RIVERLIFE! (: i love HAISING CELL. and my church buddy. (: my poking partner and everything. (: found out only yesterday, that someone has no life, go to the beach everyday for two years. my god. starfishes in a mac donald's cup? HAH. how romantic! :P sixfour bbq tomorrow, after haircut. (: i hope i look good (: and. i really miss so many sixfourians. need jaime's help on daniel's pictures, self reminders. (: i'm a happy person tonight because of the after- effects of church (: hahahaha. jasper that attention seeking maniac. (: mae that crazy unglamorous girl. (: renee that lucky neh neh who got so many presents from.... :D:D:D:D and samatha! she sang so well today! (: uooo, the hot guitarist i saw on stage and after cell. (: bryan that early birthday guy. (: junwei that stalker. jason that kukujiao who is a song idoit. weiyang that one who doesn't say HI. vera that girl who organises stuffs in cell. joy.. to the world. and so much more. oh. not forgetting joanne. hahahaa. crazy girl. screamed like -______-||| church rocked. i remembered cell leader saying this
hell is not about fire, worms, and a place of punishment. but of the absence of God.
how true. (: church rocked! and i miss you, Day1.

GLAMOROUS

2007-12-22T22:36:00.000+08:00

church today (: went to downtown to meet mae, to think i didn't know where the taxi stand was located! LOL, then she told me it was near subway. wokay, bought subway cookies. ( white chip mac. nut ) and went to the taxi stand to wait. AHAHAHA. she and bryan came in a cab. so i didn't know, since she said 'come into the car.' so lol. turned and bryan tanjie's face shocked me, totally. HAHAHAHA. super ma-lu lah. :P hopped onto the cab and reached church. (: cool, we were early! worshiped. HOHO. rocked the whole church i tell you; everyone started jumping and screaming to the music. (: hoho and pastor vincent is super cool (: hahahahahhaa. he cranked us up so badly. :D and, mae and i went to the front and were surveyed. [: weee, and this guy, prayed for me! just that i forgot his name :X hahahhaha. and joanne ong! omg. you funny crap! she screamed as though she saw an idol (blush) when i said hi to her. LOL hahahaha. [: pastor vincent said a lot of inspirational quotes. [: lifted my emotions. and in cell, Jasper and mae were so funnaye! because w910i is a shaker phone, then the advertisement shows the band of people who'd fly away when the phone is shaked, and Jasper imitated it, so funny-ly. :D un-glam pictures of MAE.
LOL. HAHAHHAA.
GRIN!
snort.
M&N nails :D
our drawings. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
the video!

( jasper asked me to remove the video)
the greatest human tragedy; to find love in the wrong place; our ultimate security is Lord. because he took the cross to show God's love. God came on earth on Christmas Day.

how does she know that you love her

2007-12-22T15:03:00.000+08:00

credits for this lovely skin;- MAE TAN HUI (: hohoh, church buddy, meet you later yo (: and thanks very very much for making the effort and doing it for me :D
still quite sleepy from last night, having just woke up from 9 hours of sleep, it's super insufficient! haha, 6am was the cut-off time, because it was that time you told me you'd be leaving. and i know you still care, or else you wouldn't have encouraged me. but i feel like a sucker, although i managed to send you that message, i wasn't there to pick up your call. and bid a final good-bye. so i feel like a sucker. and i feel remorseful. and no readers, im still attached to him. (: and i am happy i am. i just have to bypass an obstacle, alone. and i'm having mixed feelings. that's all. so no worries. (: these 4days, i'll be spending christmas alone. our anniversary. but i'll be strong, because shopping cures depression. high time i get ready for church, meeting buddy. (:

sneaking out from the back door

2007-12-21T23:41:00.000+08:00

[edit]
picture post (: 4 minutes to type everything out. (: shopping today at marina and orchard. :D the only day the new hotness went out, all together (: (L) (L) as promised, pictures of my nails :D i'm editing this post because the main motive is to just upload all the pictures so woman can grab (: hahaha. so i shall post about my lovely day today. [: i slept at 5am, because i was on the phone with ivan. HAHA. i didn't wanna sleep, so i stayed up after putting down the phone, claiming that i was sleepy so that shito can grab some sleep and not be burdened by me. (: simple. but i fall asleep in the end, i don't know how and why. woke up by the alarm at 1130, and i got missed calls from huiying. HAHA. she escaped being grounded and met us at bedok station at what? 1? lol, because yantin got the time mixed up and they were all late, i was very pissed, at that moment, because the BBQ hotline salesgirl had no sense of resource! and nicole gave me a hard time because she claims that her address has no drive number of which the salesgirl claimed to have! so i was middled. and i had to call the sg back, then she called back and i called back, over and over again. so hazel got pissed off. everything settled before we boarded the train, phew! then we reached orchard and started shopping. i could no longer find my donald duck tee, nevermind, the girls lunched in burger king and i went out to grab subway cookies. :D excused myself and bought the gift exchange present for later on and return. when the other girls came back with their 'free gifts' from the 'toilet couples', we started playing games. the one iggy introduced to me and zhiting in vivo. (: so we played, zhiting decided on the theme, sports and i got busted right away. LOL. when we played with the mrt station's names, it was her turn. and baby is so good at that theme, she won twice! without being busted, once! then we went over to heeren where i got my extensions. LOL. lime. (: and hairclips. yantin got her gift exchange, and so did zhiting and ayuni. (: time passed so fast, because the next thing i knew, sheri was due home. D: so we had our game played! GIFTS EXCHANGE! jerlyn didn't play cus she gave each of us, ours. omg. sweet girl. and we gave her hers too! (: hahahaa. birthday cum christmas ay! (: i got yantin's wristband. ZOMG. super nice cus it's RED. :D:D and zhiting got my top, huiying got sheri's adidas water bottle, sheri got ayuni's uhhhhhhh. don't know what, and ayuni got zhiting's starbucks tee and cookies while baby got huiying's TWO gifts. that lucky girl. bath towel set and a bar of snowman soap :P hahahaha. went to marina where i got my tops and bought for ig a set of boxers that he wanted. :D hahahahaha. then i went up to try to get my school bag, but the stocks were damaged and the other outlet available closest to me was whitesands, will be dropping over to get it. HEH. (: my white cool school bag yo! (: will be going over to sara's church event on monday night, 745, please come with me, anyone! PLEASE! iggy's holidaying. D: andd. countdown at orchard, anyone??????sheri was so hot today lah (: OMG OMG OMG. so i snapped a secret photo :D nehahahaha. be shocked darling.
our one and only group picture, two fair ladies helped us with it. (: yahahahahahaha :D:D i'm so gna develop it and blow it bigggg. :D

have you noticed my high cuts? :D

SHOW YOUR M&N NAILS!
huiying is a bimbo. i swear.
NAILS! :D
oh. and her lips are really wettttt.
busted? maybe.
[: GIRLFRIENDS ah! :D yantin, huiying and uh. me :D
LOL LOL ROFLOLOLOLOL!
baby baby!

NEHAHAHAHAHHAHAH! FAVE!
egg zygote and spermyy.
LOLROFLOLOL
i swear we were posing, along theeeee roadd beside a traffic light!
YA-MA-TE. get it?

fave:D
NAILS :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
HUIYING YOU FUCKING BIMBO SHIT.
i'm a bimbo now. :D
lol lol, canddddiddd!
zhiting -.- ZOMG.

i love this lamp post :D OMG. lol.

giant + fat
hunched + plump.
i know im screwed!
failed attempt.
ignatius tham, this is for you. :D
LI JIA LINGGGG! :D
SKINNY SHIT YOU @#$%^&@#$%^&

LOL. if i set this as my wall paper, everyone looks FAAAAAT!
ROFLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL ZOMG.

starbucks yo.

YOU ASJKYUGHERGHRTUKLHJBN asshole skinny shit!

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

<3> [/edit]

leave me here to bleed

2007-12-21T01:48:00.000+08:00

PAINTO! :D

i'd do anything

2007-12-21T01:16:00.000+08:00

i feel horrible not seeing you.
i feel horrible missing you.
i feel horrible missing your voice.
i feel horrible yearning your touch.
i feel horrible being ignored.
i feel horrible that it became like this.
i feel horrible when 'hazel' is mentioned.
i feel horrible wanting your attention.
i feel horrible not telling anyone anything.
i feel horrible browsing through your files.
i feel horrible reading my inbox.
i feel horrible when i think of her.
i feel horrible not having the courage to see you.
i feel horrible not having the guts to pick up your call.
i feel horrible you're leaving.
i feel horrible feeling this way.
i feel horrible to know how much i love you.
i feel horrible when people say you won't run away.
i feel horrible when yantin said those words to me.
i feel horrible.
i feel horrible.
i feel horrible.
i feel horrible
i feel horrible
i feel fucking horrible. i wanna hear your voice so bad, ignatius.

finally its our time now.

2007-12-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG. LOL LOL. LOL LOL LOL. hahahahaha. i cannot stop laughing at the plain white t's - our time now MV. LOL LOL. omgomg. so brainless and. LOL. senseless. ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaa. i'll laughing my misery away. i feel bimbotic, so horrible. *laughs again* because i'm really way down the black pit. and i don't know who'll pull me up.

i never strayed

2007-12-20T22:49:00.000+08:00

zomg zomg zomg! see how sexy this girl is. ZOMG. [: okok ( note to self: don't scare your readers away with your hyperness. ) okok, she has thick hair! so it looks so nice. D: rawr, i'm super jealous here. grwoe! ahahah, hmh, i'm considering this uh uh. fringey. :D ah yes, i'm trying this out. :D on sunday! pheeweet! okok, so regina was so kind last night to surprise me when i was with iggy. (: ahahahaha, well, because from my previous post, you can see how fucked i was. so yea, and she flamed him too! (: yes yes yes, i love her, (: so i accompanied her to her workplace today! :D (kind, kind, kind) and erm, she slept at 5am because she was reading Jemina Jones./ Jenima Jones. the one sheri stuffed me to. :D so yea. i slept at 2 plus? after watching uh. wzbqw. LOL. [: 5566. LOL! okok. so eh. mummy sent us, but! but! she took the wrong exit, so... we were late. LOL. and then i got two new friends today! Stephanie and Liren. [: smiles smiles. okok. i know how bimbotic this post is. because i'm high and sad, at the same time. dockie. so uh uh. i had my M&N nails painted and protested the shit out of it when mom was upset to see the results. LOL. pictures tomorrow when i go out with the new hotness. :D *grin grin* okok. soooo. i went off to meet guni :D and he was late. LOL. but his drive is. OMFGSHOICK! :D ahahahahaha. then we walked around and he sent me home. OMG OMG. so hot! the car. (: uh uh. i love my nails! :D yes yes yes :D errrrrm. waddsle? uh uh. i'm high. and sad. oh sad. yes. i don't wanna talk about it. i might cry! hahahahahahaha.
mood: fat. LOL! have your go, joel. HAHAHAHAHA. and yes. you once dated someone so fat you detest now. :D

if you feel like letting go

2007-12-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

[: Msn conversations! pretty interesting! (:

seaN. says:
what your good friend do?

ღHazel . says:
FUCK THAT BIRD LAH.

seaN. says:
bird cannot fuck

seaN. says:
lol.

seaN. says:
they fertilise through the egg only.

seaN. says:
external egg.

seaN. says:
break already always like that one ma.

seaN. says:
then when stead that time. the girl want moon want star the guy will go get.

seaN. says:
hhaa. that's why dont get into relationship.
lol, seanie shit.

seaN. says:
hha. relax la.

seaN. says:
he bastard you.

seaN. says:
just let him be.

seaN. says:
ignore whatever fuck he say

seaN. says:
if he's not a gentleman

ღHazel . says:
HE ISNT!

seaN. says:
be glad you left him
lol again, seanie shit.

You cut me down. says:
i dreaming uh, that felicia chin is crazy over me. HEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEE
omg, bud.

SPARE AH SEAN! [: AND GOGOGOGO! WWW.WINTERYFEELINGS.BLOGSPOT.COM

you're so ridiculous

2007-12-19T19:16:00.000+08:00

i'm in need for company. rawr, home alone, again. lol, no one cares anyway. wanted to pop by regina's, but she's working. i'm guessing she has work tomorrow too. forget that shit. in front of the computer, with muscle aches and i feel fucked up, again. because joel is turning into a looney again, barking at me to get off rishon. oh hello, i'm not pestering her. and i'm not harassing her, fyi. you bloody asked me to fuck off again and again when you're the fucker who visited my lovely blog. oh, for being stupid, i forgive you. and hello again, i know hannah is your best friend, your buddy. oh yes yes. just for more general information, mentioning much of her name to someone you have a crush for may just call for unneeded jealousy. although the other party might not say it out loud or deny upon questioning. and yes. you're still a kid and apologise when wrong. you can sin 77 times a day, but when you're asked for forgiveness you're given it. take those shit back, joel. you're not forgiven. so don't self- proclaim you already are, thanks. i'm not the cause of the communication break-down between them. fuck your ass joel, if you didn't appear, there wouldn't be a communication breakdown, don't say as though you bear no responsibilities. and hello again, you make mistakes. you always do. but you're so stubborn, you don't wanna admit and you tell the other party a total different story so they'd be on your side. that way, you bear no responsibility. but you're lying to yourself. and you stand on no ground to judge if i'm a hypocrite or not, because for all you know, you're one yourself. you can twist and turn stories to pollute little girl's mind. you have the ability to. i don't blame you, i pity the girls who fell for that shit, including me. i find myself pathetic, because i dated a despo. ohmygod. what did i just say. yes, you fucking desperate shit. come begging to me after you took control of your temper. may i repeat, begging. and i do believe that * would be real stupid if she judge from your ground. ahahahaha. notice how many again(s) i used.
visit www.winteryfeelings.blogspot.com - appointed to Joel Sim Bao Chen.

when they do those things to you

2007-12-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

secret picture [251107]
oh yes, (: hazel's bored, so i'm posting again, i'm waiting for honey to wake up, hoho. and i miss him. D: huiying came around just now to borrow bikini!
h: i summoned the courage to wear, today.
m: you good uh you. only wear in front of your guides. okok. only today. fine fine.
- lent -
LOL. so yea. she came around and vented her troubles at me. i couldn't multitask, i couldn't talk to love, use the computer and listen to huiying, so love suggested he should go to sleep because the new coach today drained him out. so all right. i managed better. but i could sense the disappointment in his voice. i'm sorry baby. D: i dropped you a message already! (: be the first to read it! (: i love you! hahaha. okay, i'm so bored i think i wanna bathe again ((: maybe not. i feel like running.. but i have training tomorrow, i bet it's gonna be hell tiring. oh damn. i need help! (: uoooo, this is an sos! don't want a second guess! okay, lol, lol, i'm bored. can't wait to hang out with the girls on friday! (: mass shopping! but love's going/ abandoning me in singapore for four days. RAWR. my phone's gna be silent. my phone's gna miss your messages. and i'm gonna miss you. D: i love you. (: nonsensical boyfriend. <3
i love it when you tell me 'secrets' because i get kissed. (:

a loaded god complex

2007-12-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

zhiting; the retard who volunteered to see me home with an umbrella yesterday :D hahaha, we had so much fun playing in the rain and standing under the heavy raindrops. -.- as you know, some corners of flats have a spot whereby the raindrops are heavier, that's where zhiting liked. (: childhood games, standing directly below that particular corner, imagining it's raining heavily. picture's not clear though. but hahahahah. she's a retard. and i have no idea why she was so kuku yesterday. she had funny stares and blank looks in her face and she kept laughing at nothing. exactly, nothing. -_______-||
raindrops falling. (:
(: after bath.
training
coach's last day, yantin's in malaysia, seniors came back, rainy day, stomach upset.
((: hmh, coach's last day and we were obviously all very sad, although we'd be getting the SEA games coach to come in for the other trainings, coach still rocked. because he was the one who thought us how to dig, properly. the one who encouraged us when we get setbacks. the one who's so special with his 'oieys!' and the one who guided us to what we are today. no, none of us expected to win any schools in the youth cup competition, but he was the one who encouraged us and coached us. he was the one who picked balls with the reserves, the one who stood under the blazing sun and giving us the shady spot. though he doesn't speak that much to us. we really looked to him as a role model. it's a goodbye to him. and we all hope he'll come back to us. cus he has a part in our haising c'girls spirit. (: and when we said. i love you, we meant it . (: yantin sent me a message in the bus of which was only read after training. (: i'll pray for you! (: and friday! OMG. mass shopping! ((: christmas shopping baby! anyway, TJC players came over today for friendly. hoho. a lot of seniors came! (: ahahahaha. and i saw guni koh. (: ahahahaha. i remember telling zhiting i very long never see him. ahaha. today's the day! (: they played and played and i snapped pictures! (:

OMG. ZHITING! (: (: (: omgomg!

it's killing me

2007-12-16T16:25:00.001+08:00

scream scream scream! do not use mozilla to enter this webpage! fuck!

i'm pretty bored much at home, quizzing time. (:

1. Spell your name as it sounds:
hay-zel

2. Are you available?
nope.

3. What's your favorite number?
13, 7, 20, 25!

4. Favorite color(s)?
limegreen, red, green, grey, white, silver.

5. Least favorite color?
pink.

6. What are you listening to?
nothing just yet, but i've got pretty much songs stuck in my head.

7. Are you happy with your life right now?
duh.

8. What are you doing right now?
answering all these questions to kill time.

9. Favorite smell?
hotel's toilets. (: zomg.

10. How do you make money?
work, helpouts.

11. Are you outgoing?
yeh yeh yeh!

12. Do you like Big Mac's?
spicy!

13. Do you own big sunglasses?
not really, but i'd love to!

14. Where do you wish you were right now?
suntanning on the beaches on miami.

THE DIDS:

1. Did you ever want to be a doctor?
pet doc? aka vet. (:

2. Did you ever receive an engagement ring?
i've received a ring, once.

3. Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
-.P explains all.

THE DO'S:

1. Do you love anyone?
yes, ignatius tham, hahahaha. and my girls and my cousie. (:

2. Do you know how to swim?
yesss. (: thumbs up!

3. Do you like roller coasters?
hell yeah!

THE DOES:

1. Does your car get good gas mileage?
err. err. lol.

2. Does your family have family picnics?
sometimes, yeh. pretty cool much.

3. Does your home have a bookcase?
my room has one!

THE HAVES:

1. Have you ever been to Canada?
nuuu~

2. Have you ever gone fishing?
YES! ZOMG. fun!

3. Have you ever seen a celebrity?
yes yes yes. FAHRENHEIT :D:D:D:D:D

4. Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
err. nope.

THE HOWS:

1. How much money do you have on you right now?
40. D: D: D:

2. How many cars have you owned?
none.

3. How many jobs have you had?
2?

4. How tall are you?
165cm.

THE LASTS:

1. Last person you hung out with?
boyfriend <3

2. Last thing you said out loud?
YA YA YA!

3. Last person you were in a car with?
boyfriend and his cousins. (: cool cousins.

4. Last time you ate at McDonalds?
last night! D:

5. Last thing you had for dinner?
hmh, apple pie. :D

6. Last thing you bought?
movie tickets. 10 bucks; rarw. i'm owned. D:

THE WHATS:

1. What is the temperature outside?
cooling

2. What time did you wake up?
155?

Random:

1. Do you have a best friend?
YES!

2. Does your crush like you back?
err. yeh.

45. What goes best with a soft drink?
popcorn!

46. What did you do two nights ago?
wheezed my lungs out.

49. When is your next party?
christmas? (:

53. Where were you at 3:02 AM this morning?
sleeping.

59. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
what to wear later on.

61. What are your plans for this weekend?
it's gna be over in like a few hours.

64. Coke or Pepsi?
COKE.

66. What do you dislike at the moment?
aneroxia.

67. What did you dream last night?
a blanked mind.

68. What's the last TV show you watched?
oh oh oh. wait. it's. uh! FULHAM'S AND NEW CASTLE'S BORING MATCH! (:

69. What is your favorite piece of jewelery?
my necklace.

70. Name 1 person on your Top Friends who is the most like you?
zhiting. (:

71. Do you always lock your bedroom door?
nope.

72. Are you on any medication?
yeh. D:

73 Have you ever cut your own hair?
HAHAHAH. yes!

74. What is your favorite frozen treat?
cookies & cream ice cream.

75. How many piercings/tattoos do you have?
SIX SIX SIX. (:

76. Where's your favorite place to be?
shopping mall with ever flowing cash.

77. Is there someone you haven't seen in a while and miss?
yeshhh.

78. When was the last text you sent?
today at 16.06

79. Do you care what people think about you?
nope, not one bit.

81. Last new person you met?
amanda. iggy's cousin.

82. Did you work today?
no job. D:

83. Have you ever moshed?
wtf?

87. What do you smell like right now?
dung.

89. Do you like ketchup?
HELL NO.

90. What do you tell yourself when times get hard?
pray pray pray! (:

91. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
i'm in one, already.

92. What color is your pillow case?
beige with bears.

94. Who was the last persons stomach you saw?
my very own (:

96. Have you ever been to California/Chicago?
nuu~ although i'd love to!

97. What is the thing that you would most like to change about you?
nose, figure and. eyes.

98. Have you ever suffered from bulimia, anorexia, etc.
nope.

99. What celebrities do people say you look like?
i look like a chinian.

100. Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but dont?
hell ye. like claire lew. D:

i know this much is true

2007-12-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

heinken yo (: ghahaha, i changed this blog skin because the previous one looks screwed on mozilla, but i made a huge(!!) mistake, cus this looks more screwed on mozilla. darn balls. i'm too lazy to find another one that fits mozilla, so bear with it, i guess. i can still view it in IE, so no problem for me (: and finally, i'm on good terms with yantin. like zomg. five days of not talking?! screwed. life's pretty much screwed these days. screw screw screw screw! new word ayp. ahaha, so yea, we're finally talking but she's going for her youth camp this tuesday to thursday. three days. D: nevermind, she'll enjoy herself and hopefully, eat. (: ahahaha. it's good to hear that she's been eating regularly now. so yea, but try eating more cus you look too thin my dear. going over to andrea's later! (: koolio! hmh.. can't figure out what to wear though, dad brought brother to ikea to get some stuffs and mom's pretty naggy much! [save me] yep. ouh. i did say the golden compass was good (?) okay, think i did. oh oh oh, i feel fat these days. shitzo. was messaging james last night and lol. he's stewpid and funny. -.- about being cute, nawh. not one bit all right. :P and may i ask: does girls have wet dreams? omg. so weird lah. D: D: yadeedah, pretty bored much at home. i'm still in my cute PJs. (: oh oh oh. this conversation with me and daddy.
d: you look funny wearing this, makes me laugh. (laughs)
m: why!
d: because all chinians wear that at home.
m: omg. really? IM A CHINIAN! *parades
d: ye. this client of mine, wore smth like that in a hotel room and came over to ask me for an ironing board.
m: !!!
d: ahahahaha. you look funny girl.
hmh, i wonder, if one day, i could embark on an adventure! PRETTY COOL MUCH!

i know everything changes

2007-12-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

i had an asthma attack last night, pretty much expected ay. i think this is like the second worst attack uh. D: the worst one got me admitted to gleneagles, if i remembered, correctly. so yea. had to use the masked thingy to breathe in oxygen (?) i guess. (: hahahahah. and it billed up quite highly. D: dad paid :D rest at home before meeting dearest to church (: met up with senior weiyang and went to church (: hell ye, church is fab i tell you, (: seriously, the only time i felt His presence. and the pastor. omg. frigging hilarious! (: hahahahahah, he's a good speaker i guess, cus he understands what's going around in the teenage century now. (: pretty cool. mae tan hui is my church buddy from next week. yay! (: she rushed from malaysia today, but we went off to catch the golden compass with renjie and amanda (?) [iggy's close cousins] good movie. (: although we had spilt popcorns and cokelight at the end of the show, and my urge to rush to the toilet to change my pad, the movie is superb. wayy better than game plan and enchanted. (: hahahahaha. well, because the three of them are practically of different genres. :P nehlahahahaha. going over to andrea's tmrw to watch star awards. like we always do, yearly. (: just that... [changes topic ] hmh, pictures as promised; and i'm feeling much better now, because the mask kena cleared my lungs so i wheeze lesser, (: and i prayed to God, of which my prayer is answered. (;

woman ah! yamate (:
yamate 2 (:
yamate3 <3>

okay; was over at zhiting's for the past two days, thursday and friday, with dearest, of course. (: and we watched movies. (: they god damn it forced me to watch spider man 2. -.- to tip you off, hazel lee pei shi has never watched spider man1, 2, 3 until thursday. because spider man is dumb. seriously, a guy, who has webbie powers? zomg. stab me, someone. and sandman? green goblin? dearest's favourite, venom? wth. -.- hahahahaha. so anyway, i was forced to watch, all right. and i caught partial of the storyline, not bad ay (: including the fact i have never watched; digimon, ninja turtles, ultra man, spongebob squarepants, power ranger, sesame street and you name it. ye! i only watched dragon tales, BARNEY!, teletabies, pokemon, powerpuff girls, and hahahahahha. so ye. (: hazel has a deprived childhood (??????) we watched harry potter too! (: the order of the pheonix. and so, zhiting and woman used chopsticks as wands, pretty retarded. ohohoh. we sat down on the central stage of whitesands on thursday to watch the kiddy show! (: rudolph! (: coool! zhiting was humiliated, though. D:
candid.

see, h-u-m-i-l-i-a-t-e-d.
we were pretty much enjoying the show though.

and you see, spider man and..... spider man. -________- 'i'll turn you into a frog!' spells the two retarded humans using chopsticks.
'I KILL YOU!'

enjoyed? (:

sun will shine for you

2007-12-15T00:10:00.000+08:00

pictures up in next post because darn firefox has cocked up problems. anyway, xinjie's birthday was a blast! (: well, because regina and i were laughing her older posts, ' i'm dying' and 'is this the daylight!' lol, lol! hahahahahha. we laughed like shit, until i wheezed so bad i had to take the inhaler, what the fuck man, ]: okay, ignatius tham is giving me 5 mins to post this thing up, i shall. omg, (: i'm sick, wheezing my lungs out. okay, an asthma attack is coming soon.

sing it oh oh oh

2007-12-12T20:10:00.000+08:00

everyone's changing, i stay the same. i see that Joel has found his new love, someone whom he liked before me, i guess he just gave her up because i was talking to him at that point of time, i guessed he moved on. realised i was a jerk, but come to think of it, i guess following your heart was the only thing on my mind. and yes, i pity ivan, he tried so bad to get her. i guess ivan lost at Joel's command of english, he can really make one fall for him just for his words. hah. but whatever it is, i'm pretty sure ivan has a chance to make it right. yantin, i suppose this is one of the most major conflicts we have so far, whatever. it's not wrong to go out with someone you like. it's not wrong to jump at the chance you'll fall for him once more. and it's not wrong to hurt yourself like you did before. not wrong to break your promise and say you haven't. i finally understand how joel felt. and not wrong to say that you're always the one who apologises because i am not someone who'd give in easily. not wrong to ignore me like i did to you. and not wrong to say that i run away from problems. if you think you'll be fucking thin after starving yourself, do mass excercise. then i'd say, i don't know you, anymore. because you're changing way too fast. and you're becoming like a stranger to me. i only wished you had more confident in yourself, that you already are slim. and being thin is not exactly healthy. you won't listen anyway. and you'll continue to mass excercise. my best girlfriend, almost someone i can understand no more.
i only hoped you'll be more open and less scary.

and you'll come back to me

2007-12-11T20:32:00.001+08:00

the ever first picture you took of yourself with my phone, you edited it and asked me to be your girlfriend, you remembered? and now i'm stuck here, uselessly, because i cannot be there to take care of you when your fever runs up. please take care of yourself, because it pains when you're so weak, because i need a wall for support. but when you crumble down, i cannot afford to smile further. please take care of yourself baby. i miss you.

china
went to the airport with mom on monday morning, yantin came. (: hahahahahaha and i introduced her to my family (: mom said it was so darn sweet of her to come see me off, of course! (: then apparently, everyone knows about Ignatius, already. hahahahah, nothing to hide, yay! (: ate porridge before going into the transit. woh, absolut disco, the lastest addition to the adsolut collection of which Lester yong has. -.- he bloody has literally all the flavours and limited editions! the only missing one is the golden colour one that regina has. -.- neh neh pok. so pictures! (:
HOT! :P
Ryan! (: my little cousin whom got green painted nails! (:

Regina neo. (: my fave.
airplane, apparently, you cannot on your phones on the plane. -.-
so i went to the toilet to take pictures. :P hahahahaha, and yes i was wearing a shirt, and a pair of skinnys, to china , the cold country! :P hero!
fave. :D

FOX HOOOOOOOOODIE! :D
hooodie love!

checked into the hotel late after the cruise ride and dinner, coool (: regina and me shared a room in FOB hotel, hahahahaha, fall out boys hotel, well no, but FOB reminds me of fall out boys, that's why, so pictures, [ regina neo cannot wake up on time. ]
our beds. :D
personal; dressing room :P

so anyway, there're pictures of my for my everyday (: hahahahahahahahahaha, took over 200 pictures, all righto. :P so day two, morning call, regina slammed that down, but it was I, who woke up, prepared, and woke her up. -.- apparently i had to wake her up for 7 days, except for one day, of which i was so tired, i had to be awoken up. whatever. HAHAHAHA, the beds in china are HARD lah, please, to have a straight back, i guess. forgot where we went to, fyi, everyday, we change hotels, so packing was hectic. and messy, yes. hah. average bus ride: 2.5 hours. -.- in that pathetic, mini 19 seater bus, 4 seats were occupied by our luggages. damn, you cannot stretch your legs or adjust the back rest, quite horrible, serious.
hah;
favourite lor! (:
yay you.(: the pau(s) saved our day.
:P
snort
ryan! (: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
xiao jie!
kalynjie, the pau had a straw attached to it, to suck the juice up.
the sun was of no help, serious.

sorry uh, i got our cities mixed up, so i cannot really tell you readers where we went to, let me recall... Shanghai, Suzhou, Hangzhou, Wuxi, Yiwu, and fuck, i can't remember, regina, refresh me! please! your daily dairy! :P hahahahahahahaha.

we went crazy in day three, in the hotel room, although i had severe motion sickness, was pretty much recovering after checking into the hotel. (: the pictures will explain all; i became super hyper, and stripped to my pantys and bra. :P hahahahahaha, because i bathed first, while regina watched her channel V. LOL. then i walked past her to get my clothes, and she said :' woah, thanks a lot hazel, my wang lee hong face has your butt on it!' omg, it cranked me up so badly i had a tummy ache. :P and the toilet, is so cool, because if you open the door, a mirror is right ahead of you, which means that, you can see yourself urine-ing. LOL, but fun like fuck lah. :P
pictures.

pantys:P hahahahahh!
she was eating strawberries, was said to be sweet. -.-

favouritest* cousin. (:
she was pointing to the curtains, i dont know why, but, ye. -.- left
right. -.-
our signature pose: ghostly. LOL

she was talking :P
regina has POOR photography skills, serious :P
her xin(1)shang(4)hai(3)tan(1) pony tail.
love letter!
love letter! :D
urine! (: ahahahahhahah!

day 4, (: hahahahah, we bused practically everyday for 2 hours, to another city, for another trip of tourist attractions, and of course, shopping :P shopping there is marvellous, because the fun part is when you bargain,to get the goods. :P freaking coool. :P and laughing at the chinians's english. omg, their english: please don't standing when bus moving, don't put hands out of window when bus moving. best ah.

i like this, a lot.

CHEER UP SAD FACES :D

we went to was our hair for only 2 $ = 10rmb. (: CHEAP BODOH!
this shower shits all others! the top two showers your boobs, then your tummy and lastly, your private part. :D

second fave (: baby liked this too :D [ regina was ill on day 5. D: ]

went to wuxi and checked into this bloody coool hotel that has internet connection, the only way i could communicate with iggy after so long! (: super happy, so i rushed dinner, made regina an excuse, to go up to the room, to chat with boyfriend (: and of course, took good care of her! :P HAHAHAHAHAHAH! serious lor! and i was super happy that night. (: no words could express it. although it was only words that i read, it made me realise how much i missed him.
this is the hotel of which had the computer.
shower :D coool? didn't shower in it though, darn.
round round mirror!
back to shanghai, i guess. (; a 5.5 hour bus ride. D:
xinjie, were on the train that was running at 383km/h - 400km/h. fast D:

i coloured ryan's nails green. :D hahahahahahahahhaha, and it looked sexy, i swear, :P hahahahahahahaha, poor boy. :P the green is hot lah, my toe nail colour, now :P HOHOHO. hazel has good taste yo! (: and colouring skills. :P nehahahahahahahhahahaa. bananas, saved our day, because we were hungry. :P but my banana was rotten D: hahahahahahaahha.
BANANA!
ryan eating, idk why i snapped this. :P
oh, this is regina neo, banana fighting with ryan, gross!
' I AM KAWAII NEHS!' :P :P :P
heeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

plane! (: back to sinagpore, i missed dearest like. nobody's business! :D

FAVOURITE I TELL YOU!
they bought the disco one, no fair.

the cute cat i saw this morning :P cute
please take care love, i'm turning weak.

he said she said! :D

2007-12-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

okay, i'm flying off in ten hours' time, awww, you readers better miss my presence! (: momma changed three hundred bucks for me, coool! :D i can shop my ass man, yay yay yay, & note to regina: i've been dropping a lot of hints these days, you get the message already right? i'm just so shy to answer your question, like i cannot face you, hahahaha. (:
met ღ before passing the card to zhiting. (: hahahaha, and we got retarded, uoooh, a rat was exploring the place and it was the first time ღ saw a rat, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. and i realized that rats have very very long tails, like super long, can whip people. :P hoho, i'm so gonna miss ღ, D: so we hugged for the longest (: and he managed to clear two stages of the game. -.- hahahahaha, our burnts were hurting, so i had to lean, gently on him, but i know it hurts, and i'm touched. superbly touched at the fact he got his dad to fetch him over to see me, ran from the bus stop thinking that he was late when actually, he was a minute early. these little things really makes me smile, because i never knew ignatius tham would do these stuffs; and spoiling my surprise by setting your phone's day one day in advance. :P all these baby, makes me know where i stand in your heart, not trying to be thick headed, but, i'm really proud to have you as my boyfriend. though others may label me as a fickle minded bitch, who changed boyfriends right after a breakup, i hope you know it's all not true. what the fuck is a guy can enter a girl's heart when she's at her weakest? it's all rubbish, because this time round, i seeked God's help, and i followed my heart, so it's gonna be right, i just know. (: have confidence in me, and we'll make this last. whatever people say, both of us, will make this last, because i trust you the way you do. (: you can bring me to the lowest point, and pull me up right instantly to the highest, even exceeding it. because your love is the sweetest, because you know that i care and i'll get hurt, jealous and ignorant. :P i don't believe in living in the highest always, because i would get too used to it and when i fall, i'd fall real hard. D: so baby, (: you'll be there to support me, right? to be there for me if i fall. and to be there to hug me when i'm cold. (: ignatius tham, my boyfriend. the one i'll automatically stop, to look back to care and to love. fuck off bitches. :P

of what we used to be

2007-12-02T13:23:00.000+08:00

i feel fucked, because i am upset, yes, that's why i feel fucked. couldn't sleep because of the burnts and mom off-ed the air-con despite me telling her not to. okay, it pissed me off real bad already, then i came online, blah blah blah, nothing to feel fucked about. just that sometimes i think i am too sensitive. yet, you don't seem to know. maybe i'm paranoid, and you don't care. maybe i care too much, you don't like. maybe i'm too possessive, and you can't breathe. maybe i'm once again keeping things to myself, and you're not aware. everything running through my head is all the maybe(s) and but(s). because no one's here to reassure me, like what i did. but i've learnt, that all relationships have it's problems and it takes two hands to clap, i don't want to use my other hand, because i'm aware of your presence. i'll just wait, try to be understanding, less demanding and most importantly, more patient. in the mean time, i still feel fucked, after posting this.

PS:// fucked = fustrated; in this post and not exactly, having done intercourse, LOL.

i got my closet filled up to the brim

2007-12-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

volleyball gathering at Sentosa today was fabulous. like honestly! (: hohoho. woke up early to go over to dearest's house because he wanted to upload his seventeen new songs into my phone (: hahaha, rejected mummy's kind lift to whitesands and remembered bringing my shades along (: because Sentosa is an oven. :P this is the favourite- est, picture of the day. (: daniel, ignatius, hazel & zhiting (: woooo, credits to shixuan who helped us take a total of five pictures :D hahaha, PS: daniel's long queue of girls didn't turn up, guessed they forgot the timing :X hahahaha.
daniel: waa! people sure steal one, too hot, too hot. -.-""
LOVED [: fave [: masterpiece [:
♥ dearest (:
2nd fave! [: [:

we headed to long john's for dinner at vivo (: & became frozen corpses because it was freaking freezing. daniel and dearest played Jurassic park with two credits each. to go to stage 5. not bad, actually. :D and we played this game machine that i haven't played in an entire life. -.- frigging fun, no picture for that though. apologies.
daniel, zhiting, iggy: deprived lah you!!!!! :P
so at long john's, i was waiting for food and was so tempted to try on dearest's shades. (: hence, the picture. [ faatttttttttt & i was wearing a hot pink bra, jokes on that. ]
shades
mine and his. (:

was seating under the shade watching both guys and girls, apparently, miss seah dragged some girls to play ultimate Frisbee with her, hahahahaha, it's a retarded game, i swear. :P hahahaha, hence, a few self- pictures. :D you know, i get bored too. :P very bored actually and we were all burnt in Sentosa by the sun, so frigging hot, no ah mohs, ( hot ones )
my hot pink bra -
me (whining) : walao! i'm in pain all over my chest! see! so red! * points at chest
demus: hahaha, maybe it's just reflection from your belt, or your bra.
me: hahahaha, my hot bra :D
demus : hahahahahahahahah~
rahbish :D played beach volleyball & got praised by demus, COOOL :D
(: i was actually looking lor.
shixuan was at the background, she was tired. after Frisbee, scroll down for the pictures.
UOOO. i had 6 cans of diet coke, :D
morning; before leaving (:

zhiting and i became retarded on the bus because it was a huge mistake to make us sit together, so we took all the phones from the c' girls and started cam-whoring, before displaying the best as wallpaper & screen saver, koool :D
susan's wallpaper.
NIL, just... errr. hahahahaha.
someone's phone. :P

secret pictures
daniel eio ( no girls ley! )
jiamin! :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
the girls, they were super bored.
shixuan (: the boyish girl i've ever known :P
the waters almost ran up to our denims/ fbt!

the sand adapted so fast to the reappearing of sun, we had to run all the way to the waters like 3478673423 times today, hahahaha; running in sand makes your toes sore. don't learn! D:
my good photography skills ley!
(: you btr fucking agree!
BODY BODY BODY!
i bloody had no idea why zhiting cam- whored with me, today.
because she never does.
she's camera shy!
get what i mean? (:

and ultimate Frisbeeee. :D have a go at them!
susan's all so nice pose!
note: miss seah in white hat. (: you'll spot her.
because she stands out from the rest.
you see her? :D
still do uh? :D
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

vivocity (:
daniel was asked to pay for zhiting, which he didn't D: asshole. but he paid the remaining lah. :P HAHAHAHAHAHA. he was checking his wallet when i got these snapped.
smiling at the notes.
ohhh. (: our super coool hats yo! :D
BIG TALL BLUE CLOWN HATS!

Procrastination, running circles in my head

2007-11-30T13:56:00.000+08:00

i don't want to hate another because i can never bring myself to do that, i apologise, sorry, Joanne. it was really mean of me to say all those last night, i reflected and i disgusted myself so bad. D: anyway, yes, i'm apologetic, i'm sorry. my left eye is apparently swollen because i crazily/ dumbly/ stupidly rubbed them, hard during training and it began swelling D: darn. waiting for ignatius to end training before collecting my phone (: { like finally; after two darned days } hah, i can only pray hard that my eyes would un-swell or something by then :D hah.

Tay Yan Tin
oh man darling, you know how poor i can be at comforting others, but on the account you're my best friend, i'm going to give it a shot. (: you always come running to me for advice, and my answer has always been make a happy decision baby. so you made it in the end, but you hurt yourself so horrible this time round. it's worst than mine, i bet. because you're sick my dear and i can't be here to face it with you. darling, from the start, it was already a risk, to love someone. you risked it high because of both characters, yet, i can only tell you i don't like brandan, i don't like brandan. it must have sucked being you. when your best friend doesn't like your boyfriend. so i apologise. because i cannot be a good best friend. baby, you're sick, take good care of yourself, i'm going to china already, i cannot be here for you, another deduction point for being a good best friend. and huiying has her family to juggle with. baby, i need you to take good care of yourself. i cannot force you to eat, so i just want you to have enough nutrients. all right? (: i love you hun.

shut your fucking face, uncle fucker

2007-11-30T00:39:00.000+08:00

post deleted because, i respect you, still.

if it's ok with you

2007-11-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

wilfred's singings from the school woke me up today (: it's wonderful how people have such pleasant voices to live with; while others who aren't really so fortunate and not have it. but whatever it is, i believe everyone, everyone is equal. and what coach is doing is unfair, he shouldn't be siding Miko, although i lost to her in attitude, still, he shouldn't be like this, he shouldn't just punish the rest of the group members and not Miko herself although she carries most faults. this shouldn't be the case, with all the complains and black faces, turn offs and ignorance, he still carries on. it's just unfair. but i'm glad i asked for a chance; a chance to put me in and see how things go. (: so i found out that i need a lot of practice. and i'm determined. equally as determined as the eight kgs. eight kgs. yes, it's a promise. so i won't break it, for this time, since we're already over with each other. since all the problems are solved. (: and this is going to be my last week in Singapore, before flying off to Shanghai. the details are still with regina, and mom's pestering me to get them (: oh well, one whole week without hazel. (: everyone's life makes no difference too la. i know you still like her, with that tiny bit, but i can do nothing, because no one knows exactly what love means. (: i'll understand.